Death from het should read 'detach from her and love her from a distance.
Also are you looking after yourself physically and mentally, sleep, eat and exercise. Lose weight, buy new clothes.... Bring out Concept 2.0 a new man
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Yes I am doing things for myself joined w gym loosing weight looking to get new clothes sleeping is hard getting about 5 hrs a night Why does it feel that the more space I give her just makes me think she will just distance further from me and quicker
Why does it feel that the more space I give her just makes me think she will just distance further from me and quicker
The point is that it's to protect you. The longer you are enmeshed in her actions the harder it will be for you. The detachment is for your benefit so that you feel better. Continue on your path and if she follows then great. If not then you will be in a better place emotionally to manage the changes that are happening to your relationship.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
How long should I keep trying to show her my love and try to get her to give us another go. I read many different sites on how to save the marrage and some say keep trying to talk to her keep a conversation going most want me to part with some money and I will buy the information if I truly felt it would help
Speaking as a former WW, the more my H would have tried to persuade me to stay.....the more I would be cold/mean to him. First of all, his persuading was emotional pressure that I resented. Secondly, I felt I had to be colder to convince him it was over. Therefore, I suggest you drop that approach immediately, if you don't want to push her through D doors.
Don't listen to advice from other forums, b/c each forum, book/author, family & friends are going to have different opinions. Family & friends are biased, so they don't always give the best advice for a person facing D.
Dealing with a wayward wife is very tough work. Your target cannot be showing her how much you love her, at least not at this point. Her issue is not whether or not you love her. She is long past that point........regardless of what she may give as her excuse for wanting out. Instead, you have to get back the respect she has lost. A woman has to respect you as a man, first, before she will respect you as her H. She has to respect you before she can love you. That's how she's wired.
As for the question of moving out, you need to get legal advice where you live. We don't know what applies for you area. We usually advise the LBS not to leave the home. However, in-house separation is not very successful in R the M, and it takes a terrible toll on the LBH, so you have to decide what is best for you emotionally and legally. Talk to a lawyer about abandonment.
In the meantime, don't move to the couch, basement, kids' bedroom, or spare room. She wants out? Let her be the one to leave the master bedroom.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you and how do you detach when you do not really want to detach I suppose it s not a want to it is a must
You worked that part out yourself. Yes, it's a must.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I am a good enough person to [censored] and have three children with I just feel it might have been nice if she had actually sat me down and said I am really unhappy in our marriage if things do not change then I am going to leave ....now that would have been helpful rather than just saying I cannot do this any more I want to separate
Fifteen years of marriage three kids sorry but our marriage is worth fighting for even if I have been a [censored] to her during our marriage her view ... I can make changes to myself to be a better person
Anger is normal. So is the sadness and the denial. Look up the 5 stages of grief. You are mourning a M. It's how you process these feelings that's important.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Bumping this as Concept has been too quiet. What's happening C?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
