WAW - Detaching is the Hardest Thing

[isittoolate]

3 days on:

For me: I continue to GAL and have switched back onto work which I have neglected a little over the last few months. It helps take my mind off things.

I have 'booked' another two nights out, a birthday meal with friends from running club, and a 'quiz night' at S8 school with other parents in teams.
I have also addressed some financial issues, cutting back on some expenditure to balance my monthly budget. My spending spree on clothes for myself and Xmas have left me a little overdrawn. Time to sort that out.

I have requested to be an adult volunteer for the local scouts group that S11 is in.last night I played board games with the kids which was nice. Sometimes it's difficult to get them off electronic games, when I succeed, they love the QT with the me or W.

What about W? W was down on Sunday evening and most of Monday. She had a lot of emotional triggers at FIlLs house last weekend.

W is not resentful, rebellious or disrespectful to me, she was a little distant on sun, Mon but yesterday evening and this morning was back to her old self, chatty, asking me about my gym workout, talking about her nephews, and a little drama she had getting a puncture on her way to work.

Each day she is more engaging with me. I continue NOT to snoop and maybe I'm giving off subconscious vibes that the snooping is over. We are more relaxed with each other.

The funeral is tomorrow and we will drive to it and back home. 3 hours with just us in the car. There will be no R talk, but this is the first time we will be so long in the car without kids since BD.

I have told her my work and social diary for the next 3/4 weeks, so the limbo will continue.

Am I detaching? Yes, more than any other time since BD. am I totally detached? No. I am sleeping better, have less need to post here, less anxious, less bouts of internal anger as to how she can do this to me and our family. I think more about what I want to do, and less about how my actions and interactions affect W and her mood.

Next post after the funeral tomorrow evening.