Here I am still

[25yearsmlc]

Kyrie it seems to me that, to an extent, you are asking us theological questions.

I feel that we cannot answer those for you. Plus, I wouldn't know how to assess repentance in someone else.

I have a few questions for you. 1) Do you know how your h's family was, with the issue of forgiveness? (In other words, did your h see forgiveness and or redemption, in his childhood?)

And growing up in your family, did You see forgiveness? IF So, what did it look like?


Below, you concede Zeus's point, but then say "BUT", which usually means the clause preceding the word, is to be discounted. You are saying the sin of an affair "of the eyes" is unacceptable if he's not repentant.

Just so that I'm clear, you're saying that in a strong monogamous marriage, temptation won't be a struggle for either partner, b/c a h (or wife) won't even look at another with attraction?

Is that^^ accurate? I'm not judging it. I'm trying to make sure I have clarity.
I know you have a lot to process.

What does that word mean to you?

(still reading through everything) but realized something: 2 priciples are opposing each other and they both keep me feeling like I'm going against my own principles.
1. As many, esp. Zues has said,marraige is more important than the specific sins (each of ours)

but

2. An affair, including affair of the eyes (biblically speaking - and he has the same belief here) is unacceptable. Unrepentance is unacceptable. An affair can be forgiven. Unrepentance cannot.
So that's what it comes down to.
I've long felt like just being straight and asking: are you repentant? Because in the end, biblically, that's what makes the difference.
I don't want to live a double life. A fake life. It's killing me.
SO much to process.

When you say something is "Unacceptable", (please see my LONG note to you about that concept)...you have said it more than once. That word has implications but

like any unenforced boundary, those can be overlooked or reconsidered or renegotiated...or fought over, endlessly.

To me, it means Either you stay married and let it go, (not throwing it in his face again and not judging him or calling him out on his "sins");

or you stay married and keep bringing it up... possibly letting every happy moment be polluted by the past...

OR you get out...

Kyrie, you do have choices here. None of your choices are easy. Each choice presented is very difficult, I know. But they are not complicated.


I do not know you well enough to assess this situation, but I know that sometimes people use religion as a tool for avoiding the harder choices, or for staying stuck, or judging others. I do NOT say that you have done this. I'm Just saying, it's happened.

I spent a lot of my first year here being self righteous. Thing is, morally, I can say I probably was "right". But being "right" is not really the priority.

Hence the question, "do you want to be right - or do you want to be married?"

--And hopefully, happy--?

Remember to Be the author of your life. You deserve to be.