Tried to get out of him what his plans were for the weekend and he said he was heading north (to his parents) right after work to stay over night and taking S with. I then asked him if he was going to his dad's (80th) b-day party on Sunday and told H that I would like to go if he was going. H then said well then maybe I won't go tonight and go tomorrow morning and stay over Saturday night. I'd meet him up there Sunday morning.
I then told H what I was thinking of doing tonight (first I asked H if he wanted to go out to eat--no) and H said go do what you want I'll have S.
So I just called my sis and asked her if she wanted to hit the driving range tonight and then have a few drinks in the club house, she's in...oh yeah!! Cathy
Just saw your post on Deb's thread. Go back to the one she posted this morning at 7:57 a.m. and read from there. She didn't come out and say exactly what she was planning but then I posted back saying what I thought she was eluding to. Then she confirmed that that was what she was thinking. We all need to help her through this!
Thanks for being there for her, for me, for everyone. You Rock! I hope you enjoy hitting a bucket of balls tonight. Hit a few for me.
I am thinking of taking the kids to a drive-in. They have never been and there are only two left in our area. One is showing Scooby Doo 2. And kids are free - cheap date night!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I don't even know where to begin. My H was all of the board this weekend. He was didn't know if he was coming or going. I did my best to stick to my plans.
When I got home from work H said they weren't going N, S didn't want to go. So here I thought I was going to the driving range, I kind of floundered around deciding what I was going to do. H first said I wasn't going to the driving range because I was golfing on Saturday Told H I was going to the driving range and taking S. H said no leave S with me. I said no I'll take S with since S knew I was going and would have a fit if I didn't take him. Then H acuses me of letting S have his way. Yeah..and H decided not to go North because S didn't want to, had a fit about not going. So then I decide I'll drop him off at SIL's as H doesn't know if he's coming or going. H asks me why I didn't leave with S with him as he gets in his truck and I have no idea where he's going or what he's doing. I don't really know that H knows either.
I go hit golf balls with my Sis (who's H by the way is mad that she isn't spending the evening with him H's they are just a sorry lot some days, My sis's H is a PITY PARTY!), get in my car after we get back to my sis', two missed messages from H. After talking to him for a bit finally get out of him that he wants to go to eat, but then no he said to pick something up, I swear he said that. So I pick up son get home and I have a sandwhich for H and he says "what's that?" I thought you were going to pick up S and we'd go out to eat? Whatever, I said I'm sorry I misunderstood then. It was HIM not me, really it was H please at least you all beleive me don't you..
Saturday he goes to do his thing at his parents, takes S, but then doesn't stay over night like I thought he was going to do, basically H didn't know what he was doing this weekend.
I get my parents to watch S as H said he was going out. I didn't ask where either. I just knew I was going to my friend's party. H was acting really strange while we were both getting ready to go out. He asked if I had someone to watch S and I said yes he's going to my parents. H just goes hmmmm with this look on his face. H left before me as I had to wait for a friend and we were going to ride together. I then get a call from H shortly after he leaves asking if my friend had showed up. I said yes and he just says okay and hangs up.
SoI get home about 10:30 put S to bed. H isn't home yet. So I'm laying there having a major anxiety attack knowing that H is with OW that H isn't going to be coming home...again!! So I'm trying to detach thinking I don't know how much more of this I can take.
H made an appt. to look at a boat Sunday morning closer to where OW lives and so I'm thinking why wouldn't he stay there and just go from there. I wake up off and on until about 3 am and H is home. H gets into bed says something about being sick, going to barf, whatever and falls asleep. Now I don't know if he was drinking or not as his clothes don't smell smokey...well the smell is all of the house if he was in a bar all night. He gets up at 7 am to go look at his boat, comes home we all get ready to go FIL's birthday brunch. He's acting normal or whatever normal is these days and we come home, we all take naps, have dinner, go to bed and H and I .
In a way it's like H was wanting me to save him this weekend. To tell him not to go to OW's, thus all the calls, his behavior, like he couldn't stop himself from going there and was looking to me to stop him.
I am going to admit it is much harder detaching now that H is home. I was thinking of putting him out again in my obsessing/anxiety strick mind. But then I think "no SATAN I am not going to do that"
This is definitely going to take a lot longer than I think for H to get OW out of his life. I've accepted the fact that H will not always be home and that I will have to not let it bother me, get to me..to harnes these anxiety attacks.
I can't keep a 24 hour watch on H, I do have to live my life no matter what.
My weekend was great! I did everything I was going to do, I didn't change my mind. I golfed, had a great time with my friend. Had fantastic time at the b-day party. None of my three gf brought directions to the party so we spent about half an hour trying to figure out the directions. We were so helpless. It's funny now. Just a fantastic weekend!!
Quote: My weekend was great! I did everything I was going to do, I didn't change my mind. I golfed, had a great time with my friend. Had fantastic time at the b-day party. None of my three gf brought directions to the party so we spent about half an hour trying to figure out the directions. We were so helpless. It's funny now. Just a fantastic weekend!!
Love it! This is what db'ing is all about, girl! You did an excellent job. Loving detachment...you've got it down pat.
Quote: In a way it's like H was wanting me to save him this weekend. To tell him not to go to OW's, thus all the calls, his behavior, like he couldn't stop himself from going there and was looking to me to stop him.
You are so perceptive!!! He's lost and is looking for your help to find himself. It seems as if you help to "ground" him. He's lucky to have you.
Quote: My weekend was great! I did everything I was going to do, I didn't change my mind. I golfed, had a great time with my friend. Had fantastic time at the b-day party. None of my three gf brought directions to the party so we spent about half an hour trying to figure out the directions. We were so helpless. It's funny now. Just a fantastic weekend!!
Don't you just love it when that happens?! I'm glad you had such a nice weekend.
I know he is lost and looking to find himself, but it's an addiction and I don't think I can stop him from it..at least for long.
Doesn't he have to find himself, find it in himself to stop what he's doing? I could tell he was torn, his confusion was very evident this past weekend, but I didn't think it was my place to say anything or to point it out to him.
I also bit my tongue, didn't say a word even though a few snide remarks did slip through my mind. I don't know where I've heard this, but I think the saying goes "ain't nothin good happenin after bartime!"
Cathy - just another dull weekend around your house huh?
You handled it like a trooper though. Way to bite your tongue. I can only imagine some of the comments you would have liked to have made to him.
Actually I was thinking it would be fun to start a "zingers not said" thread sometime. Just set up the situation and what you would have liked to have said - but didn't.
Did you ever get in your round of golf? I hope so as it seems to me it is something for you - not anyone else. It is where you are Cathy the woman, not the mom, sister, spouse, etc. Enjoy as often as you can!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Told H I was going to the driving range and taking S. H said no leave S with me. I said no I'll take S with since S knew I was going and would have a fit if I didn't take him. Then H acuses me of letting S have his way. Yeah..and H decided not to go North because S didn't want to, had a fit about not going. So then I decide I'll drop him off at SIL's as H doesn't know if he's coming or going. H asks me why I didn't leave with S with him as he gets in his truck and I have no idea where he's going or what he's doing. I don't really know that H knows either. 
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