As an active Christian who's dealt with your husband's issue let me offer this:
1. He will not change until he understands that he will lose his family over this. I strongly suggest you move in with a family friend, with the kids, tell him it's because of the strippers/porn and break all contact for 2 weeks.
2. Do not answer calls, emails or texts.
3. After 2 weeks ask to meet him at a neutral location. Discuss meeting with a counsellour to discuss your marital issues. If he does not change then you will have to decide how you want to proceed.
For me an addiction wouldn't be a deal breaker. I personally don't consider porn a form of cheating as there is no interaction with another person. In fact, I think walking away from a marriage is a much bigger and more damaging act. You talk about impact on the kids, which would be more damaging, his watching porn, or the destruction of a family? But this truly is just me. It's your journey.
All I know is if you legitimately would prefer being single to living with a husband that uses porn, you need to be clear on a few things. The steps above...I'd say you'd have to know "how you want to proceed" well in advance of taking these actions, and this is only something I'd recommend if you were planning on filing on day 15. I think doing this with any expectation of him changing is delusional and destructive.
Note I said "prefer being single". There are two mistakes people make. One is to assume their current marriage will never improve. Another is to assume they will meet someone else that will be better for them. If you're comparing your current marriage at it's worst to a fantasy of what you hope to find, it won't look very appealing. The question is, what could your marriage look like if things improved with time...and is that worth destroying. Not the marriage of today...the marriage you guys can achieve in time, with the grace of God.
That's the nice thing about going slow. Maybe you can't see the road from here to a better M. You don't have to. You just have to put one foot in front of the other, do your best for you, and have faith that if you follow that path it will take you where you need to be.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
