So Happy to hear about your "new you"! It really does make a difference...your writing even shows it. That switch, choosing to be happy, and then actually doing the work to make yourself happy, becomes noticeable. In my case, I think it even pushed my anger out of the picture. Still on guard, in case I feel it coming back, but the "happy" arsenal will grow. Good on ya, Ancaire!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Eyes are sparkling and hair is gleaming... I look really, really good. He's studiously avoiding looking at me! LOL
HAHA Let him NOT look at you. The damage has been done baby, your image is in his mind even if he turns his eyes.
Focus on you. Ignore him. It does not matter to you what he thinks or feels. It only matters what you think and feel.
Also, I have to warn you. I know you still want old H back. We LBS lie to ourselves just as much as our WAS lie to us. Our traitor minds keep offering us pictures of our old S's. I PROMISE he was never as good as your mind is portaying him to have been.
IF (7 years from now) he changes his mind, asks to come home, and you allow it, be warned that if he does anything human, like make a mistake, it will clash terribly with this image you have built of how great he can be. This clash will send huge cracks down your M foundation. "Should I have DBed?" You can prevent this by not letting your mind lie to you for the next few year. You H was a jerk, we all are because we are human. Look at him clearly for the hot mess he is and always was. Because that is the human that will eventually come back to you.
You are doing SOOOO freaking well Judy! How did your heart handle the mirror?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
You are doing SOOOO freaking well Judy! How did your heart handle the mirror?
My heart sighed. First, it was like, "Who the hell is that? Then, once recognition set in...happiness, sighing with happiness. I'm back, baby! LOL
You know, your caution about H is spot on. I've been unhappy with plenty that he's done over the years. I just lived with it, because it's part and parcel of who he is - the good with the bad - and, I meant my wedding vows when I was up there making promises to God!
We live in a particularly secular world nowadays, but come on! A vow? A promise? "You changed your mind?!?" People change, but I think the wrong things are changing. Oh well...not my mess.
I do need to remember him with warts and all. It really would be hard to R if I only remembered his good parts, and I was totally used to being on my own - and happy that way! LOL
That's too far down the road anyways. But, if I focus on some of the things he did that made my head spin, I probably won't miss him so keenly when I'm in a missing kind of mood.
I know it is way down the road, but I also suspect that when you hang out on the MLC threads you peek at the reconciled posters mixed in there, lol
It is good for you to think about R and what it would be like to R. We do not come here every day for the cookies. It is the prize. And we need to keep an eye on the prize, while forgetting about the prize
But if we are prepared about landmines we can navigate these waters toward R easier. (yes, i realize they would never put a landmine in the water) You are turning your ship directly to the fastest path to the goal. Just keep straight sailing from here.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Ancaire, just stopping by to see if that PMA is still going strong and I see that it is! Love Mona's advice about remembering H warts and all. I think we all need to bear this in mind, it is very easy to have rose tinted spectacles on when we remember how things were pre BD.
This is just kind of a general warning to everyone, in case you're as trusting as I am.
Last month, I was aware that H had accessed my computer, and helped himself to some of my files. I promptly locked my PC down with a password, moved the physical location of the laptop itself so that it is always near me, and changed all the passwords to any websites I could think of.
What I failed to think of, was to check my e-mail account to see if my e-mail was being forwarded to another address. My L advised me to check today, and sure enough, there it was! Sneaky, hateful H was forwarding all my incoming mail to his e-mail address, while leaving a copy of all in my inbox, so I'd never suspect anything was going on.
I promptly disabled all forwarding, but the damage has been done, in that he's been reading all my communications with my lawyer. Whenever I've forgotten a password (including this site) and requested a reset, he now knows where I spend my time online.
I'm not freaking out about it. Just having to go through the irritation of changing all my passwords again. I am irritated, because we both got notice that we were supposed to keep ourselves out of one another's personal business, but when has that ever stopped anyone from doing it?
It hasn't affected my PMA at all, actually. It's just another nail in his coffin. That is quite the violation of privacy - but it totally matches his mindset that I belong to him, and he can do whatever he wants. I'm beyond tired of this.
Please be careful, my friends. Check all your settings in your e-mail accounts, protect your passwords, and erase your internet history if you're in a rancorous relationship like I am.
Pass along the warning, if you think about it. People do the meanest things when money is involved.
I'm sorry that your H did that to you. That's pretty low. It is very good advice that you gave here. I just can't believe that people can so this to someone that they "loved" for decades. Blows my mind
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Hi Ancaire Good to see you doing so well. I am struggling with the friendship thing too, like you I wonder how they think after what they have done, we could be alright enough about it to entertain the idea, It's a bit confusing!
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Judy, thanks for the warning, I just checked my email and no forwarding! But it did cross my mind when I read your post that it is very good to know that this feature exists. I wish I had known it during BD when I needed to get my intel together.
I am glad to hear how well you are doing, you have taken care of so many of us, it is good to see you taking care of yourself.
