Weekend update.

I don't even know where to begin. My H was all of the board this weekend. He was didn't know if he was coming or going. I did my best to stick to my plans.

When I got home from work H said they weren't going N, S didn't want to go. So here I thought I was going to the driving range, I kind of floundered around deciding what I was going to do. H first said I wasn't going to the driving range because I was golfing on Saturday Told H I was going to the driving range and taking S. H said no leave S with me. I said no I'll take S with since S knew I was going and would have a fit if I didn't take him. Then H acuses me of letting S have his way. Yeah..and H decided not to go North because S didn't want to, had a fit about not going. So then I decide I'll drop him off at SIL's as H doesn't know if he's coming or going. H asks me why I didn't leave with S with him as he gets in his truck and I have no idea where he's going or what he's doing. I don't really know that H knows either.

I go hit golf balls with my Sis (who's H by the way is mad that she isn't spending the evening with him H's they are just a sorry lot some days, My sis's H is a PITY PARTY!), get in my car after we get back to my sis', two missed messages from H. After talking to him for a bit finally get out of him that he wants to go to eat, but then no he said to pick something up, I swear he said that. So I pick up son get home and I have a sandwhich for H and he says "what's that?" I thought you were going to pick up S and we'd go out to eat? Whatever, I said I'm sorry I misunderstood then. It was HIM not me, really it was H please at least you all beleive me don't you..

Saturday he goes to do his thing at his parents, takes S, but then doesn't stay over night like I thought he was going to do, basically H didn't know what he was doing this weekend.

I get my parents to watch S as H said he was going out. I didn't ask where either. I just knew I was going to my friend's party. H was acting really strange while we were both getting ready to go out. He asked if I had someone to watch S and I said yes he's going to my parents. H just goes hmmmm with this look on his face. H left before me as I had to wait for a friend and we were going to ride together. I then get a call from H shortly after he leaves asking if my friend had showed up. I said yes and he just says okay and hangs up.

SoI get home about 10:30 put S to bed. H isn't home yet. So I'm laying there having a major anxiety attack knowing that H is with OW that H isn't going to be coming home...again!! So I'm trying to detach thinking I don't know how much more of this I can take.

H made an appt. to look at a boat Sunday morning closer to where OW lives and so I'm thinking why wouldn't he stay there and just go from there. I wake up off and on until about 3 am and H is home. H gets into bed says something about being sick, going to barf, whatever and falls asleep. Now I don't know if he was drinking or not as his clothes don't smell smokey...well the smell is all of the house if he was in a bar all night. He gets up at 7 am to go look at his boat, comes home we all get ready to go FIL's birthday brunch. He's acting normal or whatever normal is these days and we come home, we all take naps, have dinner, go to bed and H and I .

In a way it's like H was wanting me to save him this weekend. To tell him not to go to OW's, thus all the calls, his behavior, like he couldn't stop himself from going there and was looking to me to stop him.

I am going to admit it is much harder detaching now that H is home. I was thinking of putting him out again in my obsessing/anxiety strick mind. But then I think "no SATAN I am not going to do that"

This is definitely going to take a lot longer than I think for H to get OW out of his life. I've accepted the fact that H will not always be home and that I will have to not let it bother me, get to me..to harnes these anxiety attacks.

I can't keep a 24 hour watch on H, I do have to live my life no matter what.

My weekend was great! I did everything I was going to do, I didn't change my mind. I golfed, had a great time with my friend. Had fantastic time at the b-day party. None of my three gf brought directions to the party so we spent about half an hour trying to figure out the directions. We were so helpless. It's funny now. Just a fantastic weekend!!

Cathy