Absolutely Inpain. Our kids havent seen him in a while. He doesn't care. I don't get these men at all. You don't want me then I have to live with that but you're basically trying to divorce your children now. It's sad and horrible and making me dislike him more and more.
Thanks for the hugs
Yes, it is hard to like them when they have turned into this person we don't recognise, a person who can be so distant with their own children. We will never understand it because we could never do it.
I'm positive they aren't. But even saying the words probably alleviates some of his guilt. That can not last forever. So sorry he is putting that on them on top of all the rest.
Exactly. I could never do that so it doesn't sit well with me. With you either I know. It's just so hard to take. At least I learned my lesson last time and didn't tell them he was coming today.
Going dim is hard. Especially after my horrible slip ups. But everytime I miss him I look at the kids and remember what he is putting them through and I back away from the phone.
Ironically since I have stopped asking the why or telling him how what he is doing is hurting me and my only communication has been one or two word replies when he initiates, last night I got a....honey I hope you and the kids are okay....text.
And this morning it was.......good morning my love I hope you and our kids enjoy your day.
No expectation that he will ever come by since he has cancelled every time. Lo and behold he texts me to say he is on his way. Right now I am just hoping he doesn't stay long.
Those email exchanges are front and center in my brain. Ugh
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Not really but thanks MB. I've been following your thread
Good girl on the no contact. I'm so proud of you.
He kept pushing R talk. But the 3 glasses of wine i had to calm my nerves did NOT HELP.
We ended up in relationship talk and it did not go well.
He wants me to stop bringing up ow but he can? Yeah that seems fair. She's a liar....shes trying to hurt you etc.
Never owning up to the fact that he tore our family apart.
I'm so ready for bed.
He needs not come around for a while. The kids are getting used to not seeing him and I need space. We are done. I need to move on. He refuses to own his choices.
I'm so sad this is how all the years and 3 babies ends. But what can i do. And that Fing phone and password are the bane of my existence.
I think some space to clear your head is a good idea. Don't rush to make any permanent decisions about your R while you're feeling so emotional.
Just some thoughts I had while reading your post...have you told him straight up what you need to see from him? I.e., "While I realize we both played a part in the state of our R that led to OW, I need you to take responsibility for your share?" Or, "While I do the work of relearning to trust, I need you to help me by being transparent with your phone (or taking off the password, or whatever it is that he does that bugs you)."
My H and I had a conversation like that at one point. He had made general statements about changes he would like to see in our M, and I'd followed every request as I understood them. But his statements were vague, and he was making a lot of assumptions that I understood what he was asking for, when I was largely only guessing. We kept getting into arguments where he would throw out my latest action as "proof I never listened to him and things would never change," at which point I got frustrated and told him to just D me, because I had done nothing BUT listen and try to work towards meeting his needs. To his credit, H thought about it and realized he hadn't been clear about expressing his needs, and was expecting me to do a lot of mind reading. We were able to talk and go from there.
If you ask your SO directly for the things you need and he still won't do it for you, your choice is made for you. But make sure he actually knows what he needs to do to.
Thank you. I have to say no and yes. Yes he knows that the phone code and the FB passwords are not okay anymore but no, it is not because I spoke to him about it. I said it during heated moments and he replied different answers each time. Ranging from A to Z but all saying no to transparency.
I do understand that it isn't as if we are piecing. We are both in a bad place. I am hurt and angry. And he is running from his own demons and if I'm honest from my mouth.
I got the advice (from a friend) to let the phone and passwords be for now. Do my best not to react when he is on his phone etc. And if, a huge IF, we get to a better place to bring it up then and as you said...if he doesn't agree to transparency at that point, then I have my answer.
He said so many things yesterday and I was just overwhelmed and wanted him out. I think I need my own space. I needed more from him and maybe he simply isn't in a place to give it to me.
I will post more on the conversation later but it does seem that he isn't as emotionally detached from me as I thought he was.
