Gmum - You've impressed me, over and over, these past months. I honestly feel like you're going to do fine. It's normal to feel nervous. It's probably a "bad feeling" because it has to do with the D you never wanted.
He cannot force you to agree to anything. You can get up and walk out any time you choose. He's going to be in full bully mode, so that you do what he wants. You, I'm certain, can stand up to a bully.
Will you like it? No. But that's what we're here for. Go to the meeting. Impress upon his majesty that you're not going to be pushed around. Then come back and tell us all about it.
Aw man! Nothing left to say. Ended up having small fight on the street afterwards. And I did the opposite of DBing and left with tears in my eyes. As soon as I had cell service again, I sent an email saying sorry, let's try again. Shortly after I get a text from him saying I should apply for temporary spousal support.
I asked about maybe getting a stake in his future earnings as he could possibly end up making a lot of money. He says then I won't have motivation to make my own. He blames the debt on me. He threatened to quit his job and do something else so I won't get anything.
Gmum - Please get a Lawyer. Your H is doing his best to make sure he is protected, no matter what. Next, he demeans you by implying you'll become lazy living off of him. So, his lifestyle may get to improve, but his D's doesn't? Only if she visits him?
You're married - the debt belongs to you both - but he's forgotten that right now. Of course it's your fault, just like him finding OW is your fault.
He won't quit his job. That would be ridiculous. This is intimidation to get you to stop what you're doing. It's easy to see from out here. Not so easy when you're in the storm. If you get a L, and he does quit his job...you'll still be protected, legally. Lots of WAS try this trick. They all wind up regretting it. Some are forced to work 2 or 3 jobs to make up for the income they lost by quitting a job in order to avoid having to pay more. Judges do not like it.
You need a lawyer to protect you and your daughter. I'm not kidding. WAH is not looking out for either of you. He's looking out for his future with OW.
Gmum - Please get a Lawyer. Your H is doing his best to make sure he is protected, no matter what. Next, he demeans you by implying you'll become lazy living off of him. So, his lifestyle may get to improve, but his D's doesn't? Only if she visits him?
You're married - the debt belongs to you both - but he's forgotten that right now. Of course it's your fault, just like him finding OW is your fault.
He won't quit his job. That would be ridiculous. This is intimidation to get you to stop what you're doing. It's easy to see from out here. Not so easy when you're in the storm. If you get a L, and he does quit his job...you'll still be protected, legally. Lots of WAS try this trick. They all wind up regretting it. Some are forced to work 2 or 3 jobs to make up for the income they lost by quitting a job in order to avoid having to pay more. Judges do not like it.
You need a lawyer to protect you and your daughter. I'm not kidding. WAH is not looking out for either of you. He's looking out for his future with OW.
Please, please listen to Ancaire. Her thoughts/advice are dead on.
And hugs to you. Does he know you are struggling to find a place to live with your D? I think you need to consult an attorney to see if he can be ordered to maintain your current residence until the divorce is final. I know you are hesitant to stick up for yourself, but think about your D.
I usually stay out of the L advice. People here give great L advice so I stick with other areas, but I am gonna break my no L advice record and say, Get A L.
He can quit his job all he wants, he will just get in trouble and STILL owe the money.
Remember, you come to these boards for help. Just, in this one instance, blindly follow the advice and put it out of your mind. Give the whole mess of money and support to your L and only when the L gives you reason to worry, then you can worry about what H is doing. He will see you as strong if you stand up for yourself.
I am positive you are very shaken by what happened. Today did not ruin anything. Please dont let your mind tell you that. One day does not help or ruin. Changes that are consistent over time are what helps or hurts.
This is a rollercoaster ride and what goes up must come down. Good days, bad days.
Trust me. I know you also feel like your sitch is a little different. People on these boards usually feel A) their sitch is so different that this wont work for them, or B) their sitch is so different that THEY will be able to do this quickly.
The absolute truth is your sitch is more similar than different to all of us, and you can have faith in the process. This will take time, time, time. Dont worry about today. Take steps for tomorrow.
After you get a L, what can you do to get your PMA up up up?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Please listen to everyone Gmum, you need to get a L. At the moment it is no longer to think about saving your M, it's about securing a financial future for your kid.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Gmum, you are getting great advice from everyone. I'm sorry things didn't go so well today. I agree with everyone else, your H is trying to bully you and scare you with these threats of leaving his job. I also agree that you need to get some professional help/advice with the financial stuff. I think H will find out that things aren't as simple as he'd have you believe. Stay strong!
