Also 25 he is very much like most WH and would love for us to rug sweep all of his crazy. I haven't let him, so he then resorted to the artful blaming of me. (he's good at it) And now he simply pretends we dont exist. Except for a text every few days mostly and saying he wants to come by today.
I guess pretending we don't exist and ignoring us for the most part makes him feel better about his new life and how easily he says the words. Yes..I'm single!
And if he had any guilt (doubtful) having almost no communication with us again, I assume eases that as well.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
I do need advice on how to handle him if he shows up today. I want to be honest here even though it makes me look like a sap. I have either been super sad when he is around. Not crying but sad. I reek of hurt. Or...I retreat to my bedroom and ignore him. Both of which he hates and has a problem with.
If I am sad. Then he says I can never be present and enjoy the moment for what it is. I can't have fun.
If I ignore him. I am trying to punish him.
Only 1 time was I able to pull off acting light and breezy and smiled a lot. And was texting a friend which he did not like. I guess because it looked like maybe I was happy because I was talking to a man?
But truthfully I was only able to do it because he wasn't here for very long.
So advice please.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Well I guess if I ever want him to NOT come over I will post here asking for advice since once again he "may not" make it. Translation: having fun won't be coming.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Rain...please trust that we remember and nobody thinks less of you if you slip up and don't do everything perfectly. We are humans with feelings and emotions. I am 19 months into my saga and I certainly still make my fair share of mistakes. It is much easier to see things and offer advice in someone else's situation when you are not overwhelmed with emotions like you are in your own. We are all in this together...
Originally Posted By: Rain75
Pink, yes. This is very hard for all of us. The pain is still very raw. And yes, some of the things 25 Years says are like....ouch! But I know she does it to help me and others not make the same mistakes just like you and AnnaB have said to me as well.
I am thankful you all take the time to give me your hard won advice. I just hope you remember how hard it is at the beginning. I really do want to gather up everyones gems of knowledge and be super strong and move on and leave him to his own mess.
I hear you guys all say the same thing. Let him go. Work on you. It's the best chance you have. And then I mess up. Not so good.
I want to be a better me. A version of me that would not take this from any man and would walk away and not cling.
I hope you and the boys were okay during the snow storm.
He is not coming. Not really shocked. All I said was okay. He said the reason is he has to be at work early but that's a lie. Just that his 1st excuse went away (the rain) so he had to say something I suppose. I guess he forgets that he used to have to be at work at 4am at times and it was not a problem.
The fact that he thinks I am stupid really upsets me. But like I said i just said okay. He rambled on and on about his reasoning and saying he will try hia best to come by tomorrow. I just said...okay have a good one.
So he asked me what I've been up to lately. I said been busy. Anyway have a good one I have to go. He hesitated.....oh um well okay. Have a good night honey. I said yep thanks. Bye.
It's as if he feels like he is doing some great thing sending a text every 2 to 3 days, when he would call and text dozens of times a day even when we were together and were only apart for 8 hours while he worked.
And it bothers me that he knows the kids are having a hard time. We went from being together all the time to barely ever. Their little world got torn apart and he doesn't care.
I do my best. I take them out. We play. We go to the park. We cuddle to watch movies. But mommy is not daddy. And to them the moon and the stars hang on daddy and his every word. I had a few slip ups. Had a few drinks with my friends while they were here. So text a few things I shouldn't have. But I'm back in the saddle the last day and a half. Not much but I have to start somewhere.
(((((((((((Rain))))))))))))
I just had to send you a huge hug after reading this post. I know exactly how you feel, I could have written all of these words myself. It is incredible how proud of themselves they feel for popping in to see their kids and how they seem to have convinced themselves that they are not hurting their kids and that nothing much has changed for them. Crazy! My H is exactly the same and has even said to our kids several times, "It's not really that different for you, I still see you every day most of the time." WOW. Heartless. One day I think they will be very sorry, because kids don't stay young and innocent forever and one day our kids are going to wake up and see exactly who was there for them and who put in a half hearted effort in their lives.
Absolutely Inpain. Our kids havent seen him in a while. He doesn't care. I don't get these men at all. You don't want me then I have to live with that but you're basically trying to divorce your children now. It's sad and horrible and making me dislike him more and more.
Inpain....your H saying that to the kids just sounds like if he feels guilty (and he should!) and is trying to convince them so that he can ease that guilt.
Inpain....your H saying that to the kids just sounds like if he feels guilty (and he should!) and is trying to convince them so that he can ease that guilt.
Yes! I think you're right there. My H has always liked to appear squeaky clean and I'm sure the guilt must be eating him up inside. The only person he's fooling is himself. Our children are only 7 and 11 but they're not buying any of his, "It's no different for you." rubbish.
