Quote: The big dumb goon called this morning and asked for our S.
I love the way you put things!!!
Quote: He still doesn’t think he has a drinking problem. He said he just drinks to drinks and if he wanted to he could quit drinking..forever. That an alcoholic drinks every day.
...same words I heard from my dad and later my brother. He needs help but there is nothing you can do to help.
Quote: I said are you going to come home tonight? H said “probably not” in his poor me, I’m not wanted there, voice. Whatever.
He knows what he wants to do. He also knows it's wrong. He's looking for sympathy/justification/validation that he is a "poor me" person....all justification for drinking.
Quote: KAW—you are so right, the inch worm.
Yup! Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this the longest he's gone (since he returned) without drinking and/or going to ow? Point: next time it'll be two weeks/three weeks/etc....
You are doing GREAT! Hope is right: you are the queen of Patience...not a flaw...a commendable trait!
Thanks for stopping by and for pointing out, as has been many times by other people here , that ow is just a bandaid.
Patience is becoming my middle name. Now if I could only get there with my four year old
Minnie:
Quote: Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this the longest he's gone (since he returned) without drinking and/or going to ow? Point: next time it'll be two weeks/three weeks/etc....
You know he is getting better, you're right. I've noticed it and the thing is the night before last we had a "normal" night, H seemed less alien--that he even brought up something from five years ago floored me as he rarely brings things up from the past like that.
Slowly, slowy..LL pointed that out in her thread today..that sometimes things don't move as fast as we want them to and for every step forward my H is still stepping backwards.
He just called me to see what time his doctor appt. was today and that he wouldn't be able to make it. I knew he had the appointment and was going to call to remind him, but decided not to, just another mother thing to do for him. I'll have to call and cancel it for him, but that's okay I'd rather do that then have him just not show up.
S4 called H back after we were on the way to daycare this morning and was asking if his dad would pick him up tonight, which H said he would do. So H is coming home tonight, even though he told me "probably not" yeah right.
My H is an addict and needed a fix, now he feels good again..until the next time.
For all the times I've been calling him and he hasn't returned my calls the last week...it turns around H is calling me again. the saga continues.
Quote: I've noticed it and the thing is the night before last we had a "normal" night, H seemed less alien--
That's just how I saw it earlier this week/last week when I read your post. I was looking into a house and all I saw was a normal family hanging out together. He's trying and he'll ge there.
It's so interesting to me that the "dark" side of H is the one that "identifies" with ow and the good/healthy/wholesome side of H is the side he shares with you. You are too good for his dark side and he knows it.
Quote: knew he had the appointment and was going to call to remind him, but decided not to, just another mother thing to do for him.
Congratulations! This is something that I still struggle with and you know what, they'll surprise us sometimes. They know/remember more than they let on.
Quote: My H is an addict and needed a fix, now he feels good again..until the next time.
Unfortunately this is the case right now. After a while, I knew EXACTLY when my brother would take off and even how long he would be gone. A year later...all gone!!! Why....because he WANTED to get better; not because I wanted him to get better, not because his mom or wife wanted him to get better; he did. It was his time. Hang in there. Focus on your adorable s4.
I did tell H this morning that I thought he was the best father to our S4 and that he is soo good with him and that I wished H could see that about himself. H didn't respond.
H calls just as I'm getting ready to leave work yesterday and asks if I can pick S up...I said sure. I asked H if he was going to be home and he said "which one" and then said "you don't want me there anyway." He then told me he was just getting done with work and that he was going to look at a boat. I then said do you want do go out to eat and he said that's fine.
So we went out to eat, H was very quiet, very serious. No smart ass remarks to anything. When we ride in his truck, he knows I don't like the passenger window down--messes up my hair too much...so he kept putting it down, I'd put it back up he'd put it back down...so H was being playful. Did a few other playful things the rest of the night other than that he didn't have a whole lot to say to me nor a lot of eye contact.
Last night I did try to put myself in H's shoes or reverse the situation, me being the the one having the A and him being the left behind. Ohhh myyy...how awful. I just can't imagine being there...for real... Which brings back my compassion, unconditional love for H once again!
I loved you last post. Putting yourself in his shoes - I try to do that with my H too.
Also, imagine the crap that the OW gives him when he comes around occasionally...I bet that he doesn't like her hounding him. And that she has to look for and find him by tracking his truck. How pathetic is that? I bet your H thinks so too somewhere in that brain of his.
Whereas, you show nothing but caring and support to him. You give him the strokes he needs and the freedom too. Even when he takes liberties with that freedom - you are patient - he will find that it gets old sneaking around or sitting in a smoky bar.
I am glad that you have your golf outing to look forward to tomorrow. Hopefully you won't get the rain that we are supposed to get sometime tomorrow. Hit'em straight!
You are doing great - what patience you have!
Have a great weekend.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
It was pretty awful being there...or even being the bimbo...I tried to feel how the bimbo would feel and I felt this excitement, this rush..you know can I really get him to leave his W? Let's try every low life thing I can imagine and until he actually ends it once and for all with me the bimbo...then the big crash of the bimbo..her own hell has been created.
Thanks for stopping by the other night. On my drive home from work last night I remembered that you had posted to me and that I hadn't replied back!! That's what happens when my H takes a trip to the Pit.
My PMA is skyhigh today. My SIL will pick up my S from daycare so that I can go to the driving range today after work. I'm probably going to shop for awhile, also.
Right now the prediction is rain early morning and then again later in the day. I HOPING we do get to golf as I am really looking forward to it and I have b-day party to attend for a gal pal of mine tomorrow night.
I have no idea what H is doing today or tonight, but I know what I'm doing.
The thing is IF the bimbo does end up with the H--it will soon come to light that she sure as heck didn't get any kind of prize. With the way my H act some days, I'd be glad to hand him over so that she can get a real dose of H on a daily basis for life!!!
, that ow is just a bandaid.
the saga continues.
Which brings back my compassion, unconditional love for H once again!