WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[trumpet]

npmyst,

Thanks for the 2 X 4, brother.

My frustrations are telling, huh?
I enjoyed being detached. Without expectation of my wife doing anything for me. Absolutely none. I was my world, and only my kids were the other ones I needed to make sure were OK. Would I talk with her? NO, didn't need it.

Well, now she says she does want to work at the relationship. With that, comes some level of cooperation. Effort. From the reading I've done, it's a lot of big see-saw action in this first month or two. Our desires turn into expectations. When my wife was full-on wayward, I learned that she was a different woman than I married. The spew I heard still rings in my ears, but I boxed that for now.

I let myself back into wanting more from my wife, since she stated she wanted to start the work to reconcile. My wanting more really hinged on 3 things in the last 48 hours: NC, in letter or if she called (I was ok with whatever), calling the lawyer to stop the D, and getting some counseling.
My desire for this was for it to happen quickly. Waiting 2 days, not telling me you've done those things really puts a wet blanket on my hopes.

I did do something stupid, and called her at work. Wasn't a great conversation, but she did admit she's done those three things, but 'none of them called me back'. My level of trust is at an all-time low. I expected some communication on the issue, so that I could feel like the reconciliation could go forward, just telling me she made the calls would have been nice.

I feel like I came out of my cave, in hopes spring has come, and it did for a day or so, and now I've got to get back into my cave and keep working on myself with no drive to meet my wife halfway in anything. I can truly detach, but tried to help the sitch.

Will reconcilation look like me still GAL'ing, and my wife doing all the work? That's what many have alluded to here.

Georgia Bulldog, your advice to pursue is contrary to the other advice I've gotten. I see that you know my sitch pretty well, and that my addiction puts us both in the betrayer category. I'm just trying to integrate what you're saying into npmyst's views, as well as Zues's, Sandi's, and others.

The more I thought that the light at the end of the tunnel was my wife wanting to stop the D and work on us, the more I see it as just a fencepost that I passed on the road of my life.

I'm so so so frustrated.

Should I keep my appt. with the attorney? I'm going to have to pass him some money, since my hour on the phone with him was my 'freebie'. $2,500 retainer. My wife sees it as a huge threat, which I can understand. But shouldn't I protect myself? The divorce was filed, but not served.

So confused. Sitting on my hands [censored].