Wife is in love with another man

[shreeve]

What's next for me is more spiritual growth and continued improvement.

Thats good. Have you laid these out concretely? Will you be regularly measuring your progress?

Yes, I definitely wrote my goals when reading through the book and have a very comfortable schedule that I follow. I am measuring (and seeing) a lot of progress in only 2.5 weeks.

I told her I want her to follow her heart and that she has my blessing.

Look, theres a difference between letting her live her life and being a doormat. Youre giving her your "blessing" to go be with another man? Why?

Good question, and those I confide in have been somewhat surprised with my response. There a[/quote]re several reasons I responded this way. For one, I feel my wife may have "saved" me with her decision. I have found an even deeper love for her, that does not give me any feelings of anger or jealousy about her affair. 2. I found the phone records that gave me an idea of how strong her passion and love are for the other man. There were 2700+ text messages in the month of December alone. I have been a part of that type of passion for someone in the past (my wife for one) and understand how strong the desire is. It is something that cannot be stopped, and will continue to progress with or without my blessing. I do not want my wife to have feelings of shame or guilt, and I do not want her to have to hide her affair / feelings from me. That may sound a lot like a doormat to many, but I do want my wife to follow her heart and I do want her to be happy. Maybe this other man IS the one who will make her happy. If so, I want her happiness. That is not to say that I do not want to save my marriage, but I do want her to pursue her heart without remorse or guilt. Does that make any sense?

The affair started to root at the end of October. I have read in the infidelity section that this might be a long ride, as I feel her affair is also part of a mid-life crisis. She just graduated from school and is about to start her new career when her licensing comes though. I am impressed by her new found independence (I took care of everything when she was in school for 2.5 years, she did not have to work or worry).

I have not given up hope that I will be with my wife in the future. After learning of the affair, I feel like I have even more hope. Does any of this make sense or am I crazy?

Its good to understand that you cant control her. But its another thing to be happy for her.