Rick, you and your wife I know had the same challenge. And you guys are working through it wonderfully. It's a true commitment on both sides to make it work, and the two of you are equally committed. I know it could work with equal commitment, it's just not equal right now:( But we are still working through it, not yet giving up. We come close sometimes, but we aren't ready for that yet.
Wii,
I would never make any big moves just to get closer to him after this long. I do however think towards the future, because I need to see if this is worth prolonging if we can't figure it out at all. But I know I have kid to think of first and foremost and even though if we ever move there, it will be a risk and may not work out, but it will be a well thought out and planned process before we get there. I've worked to protect D8 for many years, and if I make this decision, it will be as well calculated as possible. The good news is so far she really likes him, his daughter, and his house. She can't wait to go back and wants to "spend a bunch of weekends there"
I haven't mentioned anything about the ex in forever, but I nearly peed my pants the other day. We were texting about a weekend switch he wanted me to make. He wanted the answer right away, but I didn't know the answer right away, and I said I would let him know by morning. I agreed to it, but it ended up he missed some special deal on some getaway or something. he was pissy, practically blaming me, all via text. he said he wasn't blaming me when I called him out on it, but he did say this: "trust me, I'm used to nothing going right and bad luck"
Pooooor baby. It's called karma. Don't mess with it. (I didn't say it, but I sure did want to).
Really, he does have nothing to complain about. he has a good job, a roof over his head, a wife he wants, and a beautiful child. I think he has a good deal.
You know, I was your XH at one place in time. I wanted to know things immediately, and was pretty aggressive when my timeline wasn't managed. This whole process changed that for me. (Every so often I have a relapse...)
Every once in awhile I get to walk in your shoes. And while it makes me grin evilly to myself, I remind Mr. Wonderful, "You used to get really angry with me when I insisted on getting answers immediately, so I'm asking for a little time to figure out if it works for me." Every single time, he's apologized and backed down.
BTW, your XH DOES have it good. You're as good an XW as he could have hoped to have. He's lucky to be divorced from you.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
"trust me, I'm used to nothing going right and bad luck"
Pooooor baby. It's called karma. Don't mess with it. (I didn't say it, but I sure did want to).
Haha - yeah, it actually is rare to see a WAS who lands in a bed of roses, isn't it?
My ex kinda looked like he did - married a (much) younger woman of Asian heritage (but adopted, so with a white American family - my ex got his Asian chick without having to adjust to Asian family culture). Bought a duplex at his favorite surfing beach. Took the exotic vacations with her that he used to take with me. (Btw, she was not an OW, so I bear her no ill will.) Partying with her 30-something friends.
However, in the last year, her mother died and her father turns out to have dementia- much worse than anyone knew I guess - and has now come to live with them. Real life with all it's problems has come home to roost. (I feel badly for her, as I know my ex is not really good with this kind of stuff and while he will probably look like he's all about helping in the beginning, he will likely come to resent this. That's how he was with my mom - we helped her buy a home nearby - which turned out to be an excellent investment for us. She watched the kids and dog for us whenever we needed, never intruded on our lives at all, worked and was very independent, yet my ex came to behave as if she was some giant pain. )
Anyway - I feel badly for everyone involved, but I just mention it as yet another example of how the WAS really cannot avoid reality for very long.
