Thank you for the hug. I don't feel that bad though, I feel good actually.
And last night, I did sleep pretty good. Woke up a few times, but briefly and was able to fall back asleep which is major, and I didn't focus on H or where he was and it worked. Sleeping has always been a big problem for me, anxiety, run-away thinking time, but I am getting so much better. Once I am able to sleep the whole night through when H pulls something like this will be major.
H's coming and going, been living with it for years. But, now there's an OW which there wasn't to my knowledge in the past. He'd just came home drunk and mad. So in a way it's a blessing in disguise that he doesn't come home drunk or maybe deep down he knows this himself and is trying to spare me and S his ugliness. I just don't know.
I want H to stay at home. But, to be honest last summer when he wasn't living with us--I had the best summer ever!!! I could come and go as I pleased and I want this summer to be just as great...hopefully with H..but if not too bad for him...I'm doing things. I could always make childcare arrangements, that was never a problem, now H trys to make it so hard "what are you doing to do with S?" or "I'm not watching S" and I say okay, I can find someone that's not a problem...it's a button pusher becuase in the end H will spend time with our S.
