The big dumb goon called this morning and asked for our S. I said he wasn’t up yet. H wanted to know why he wasn’t up and wasn’t I supposed to be to work at 7:00 am…it was 6:50. I just kind of laughed and said, yeah two years ago. I’ve been starting at 7:30 for at least the last year, officially that is.
So I asked him where he was last night. He said “do we have to talk about that now” and we don’t talk anyways. I just laughed at that line, it’s beginning to sound like a pick up line, because it is not true.
I questioned him then. Asked him if he was OW’s. He said yes. I said were you drinking last night, H said yeah. I said did you invite her to the bar? H said no. I said how did she know you were there? He said she drives around until she finds his truck, how pathetic is that. I said did she give you a ride to her house. He said no, he drove himself.
Then he went into his I’m not happy, I’m not trying, blah, blah, routine. I told him he got himself into the mess and he has to get himself out of his mess. That he makes his own choices. I then went into my blah, blah, you’re a good person, I think you are trying routine and I notice some small changes and that I hoped he could see he was a good person. H wanted to know what he was doing that made me think he was trying—I HAD to tell him what they were as he has no clue that HE is trying. (How come I can see that he’s trying and he can’t?) H then said “what do you two have the same script?” Why do I even bother talking to him.
I said are you going to come home tonight? H said “probably not” in his poor me, I’m not wanted there, voice. Whatever.
He still doesn’t think he has a drinking problem. He said he just drinks to drinks and if he wanted to he could quit drinking..forever. That an alcoholic drinks every day. I said no they drink till they’re drunk. He then said that he went all last week without drinking, while “you were working.” I said yeah but then Friday night you couldn’t wait to get to the bar. H said “he deserved it” wtf. I told him he was looking for answers in the bottom of his beer glass.
He asked me if I was planning on golfing with my friend on Saturday. I said yes if it doesn’t rain. H then said he was going to have son with him, so I didn’t need to worry about that.
IMHO—H called this morning to check-in with me, to see how I was, to see if he had finally pushed me over the edge. H didn’t call to talk to our S, he called to talk to me whether he admitted to himself or me or not, I KNOW that’s why he called. AND he did want to talk even though his words said he didn’t. Him saying he wasn’t coming home tonight was also a test, to see if I WANTED him home!
We get close and they H gets scared and runs. Right now the pattern is every few weeks, after he’s been drinking he runs to OW. I also told him that if he feels because he goes to her after he’s drinking means he wants to be with here, then why does he get into fights with his friends, drive drunk without caring about anyone else, and verbally abuse his son? Then why doesn’t he quit drinking and find out how he really feels..
I felt like I was talking to my teenage son this morning. I am not his mother, yet why do I feel like that?
