WW, My Addiction, Patience, and HOPE

[JGuy]

After taking a look on Pursuit and Distance, and finding a characteristic chart on Emotional Pursuit/Distance, I'm more in the Pursuer category, while my wife is more of a distancer.

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How do we stop the cycle? How do I get my wife to realize her part without just coming out and telling her? I realize I've been the 'fixer' for years, and through all of this, she has to fix her side of the street.

I am in exactly the same place, Trumpet. Looking for answers to exactly the same questions. See my post from yesterday for my extended thoughts on this.

Given what I know now, if I was dating my W and we weren't married and didn't have children, I would have no hesitation in breaking up and moving on. It is just so clear to me now that I need someone who can come to the table and make a genuine effort to tend to the R. When I'm the only one tending to it, there is no R. It is just me relating to myself.

Of course, being in a M with children is different. Letting the old M burn to the ground is really hard. Creating the space for your W to realize on her own what she is missing requires not pursuing anymore. Pursuing is such a hard habit to break! But this habit of pursuing is exactly what needs to burn down and is the part that we are responsible for. I can see that now, and it sounds like you can too.