Deciding Whether to Separate

[Painter]

Hi, you're getting some good advice and much reading for the marital issues, but I would like to add: *slow down*, and be careful about the legal stuff. It's not good to make big decisions until you have read the book (Divorce Remedy is the newest version) and understand the concept, and know your legal standing in detail.

The car purchase bothers me, also the attitude the two of you seem to have (or maybe just she) that both of your incomes are not family income, but separate and puts you in different 'classes'. I have encountered this with my H after he cheated, and I called him out on it in MC. Finances were never an issue until OW came into the picture.

It is an unfortunate situation you are in materially, but I think it puts you in a legally strong position. Please do not do anything before you have consulted with a lawyer. Look for one that works only with divorce.

The decision to buy you out of the house with a car is terrible, I'm sorry to say. Getting something that only drops in value in exchange for something that increases in value is not good. Fortunately, that verbal agreement is not binding.

Also, if you have been the main caretaker of your daughter, you will most likely get primary custody, while W, as the high income earner, will have to pay you child support and spousal support. 15 years (could be more) and normally spousal support for half of the length of the M. The situation is enhanced by you moving to live and work with her family, giving up your job where you lived. The promise to take over the company can even come into play, if it was ever put in writing.

You should set aside money (do you have a shared checking account?) and talk to a good lawyer - not someone who wants to pawn you off to a mediator. Don't make this easy for her.

My H came to his senses partly because he realized how difficult life would be if he chose to D me. It can be like a bucket of ice water.

Also, if you cry, don't let her see or hear it. Turn on some music. In her current state, she does not care, and it only pushes her further away. Been there, done that with my H. The guys around here talk about putting their Clint on - emulate Clint Eastwood (but a bit more fun, I'm sure). She told you she wants a more type A man - did you use to be that?

I am so sorry for what you're facing. I think it's a positive thing that she has not fixated on one particular guy. She wants something that she doesn't think you can give her, because the circumstances have made you less of a man than you were when you met. It sounds like she's still searching. Speed-read DR and start acting like someone only a fool would leave.