New Year..Need new goals

[Rain75]

Reposting this:

I do need advice on how to handle him if he shows up today. I want to be honest here even though it makes me look like a sap. I have either been super sad when he is around. Not crying but sad. I reek of hurt. Or...I retreat to my bedroom and ignore him. Both of which he hates and has a problem with.

If I am sad. Then he says I can never be present and enjoy the moment for what it is. I can't have fun.

If I ignore him. I am trying to punish him.

Only 1 time was I able to pull off acting light and breezy and smiled a lot. And was texting a friend which he did not like. I guess because it looked like maybe I was happy because I was talking to a man?

But truthfully I was only able to do it because he wasn't here for very long.

So advice please.