Late to the game

[Free]

I agree. Sandi's view from the other side is invaluable for us.
I'm doing what I have to do for me and my kids. That's my plan for now.
One thought I had on OM. He is not what I expected. A bit chubby, if you ask me. I was quite large for a while and lost a LOT since BD. Maybe W is a chubby chaser? Maybe my best chance is to put the weight back on?? Lol. Not happening.
What is the benefit of knowing more about him? He is not the problem, as I see it. He is a POS in my book, knowing she is M. Other than that, he means nothing to me.
Trust is huge for me. Maybe more than that, the innocence is lost. We were our first and only's. In today's world, I was always proud of that fact.
At this point, I think I'd rather be married to a reformed hooker than my W.
I'm feeling good today about myself. The emotional wave is peaking and I don't know why. I am sure I'll crash against the shore a few more times as this goes on, but today I am good.
As far as MC, I did ask her to go with me and it was a disaster. It might take one person to fix a M, but it definitely takes two to make MC work.
I hope you find yourself in a position some day where your W wants to put in some MC work.
I'm looking forward to hearing what you did about the A.

[mutatio]

I never told anyone I did this. I was scared that I was going to lose my wife to the POS OM. I want you to know that I would not do it again, I am not that man anymore. What I did was wrong and cruel. I am sorry that I did it. How's that for an intro?

The OM's wife called my wife and told her to back off. Wife and I discuss the EA/PA. I want more information so I call OM's wife. I get info from her and give her info. We talk a few times. My wife wants to stay friends with OM. I don't like it. I decide OM has to drop my wife to get her to wake up.

I call OM's wife and lie to her to have her pressure OM. I tell the wife that I have a good friend that is a state trooper. I can get my friend to pull him over, search his car, plant and find an 8 ball of coke in the car. The trooper would pull him over in a school zone. In my state that mandatory 10 year sentence. I then ask her if she wants me to do it. I said she could divorce him while he was in prison and take everything. I said I would not do it unless she wanted me to do it. I said I would never talk about it again and if she brought it up ever I would deny saying it. She started crying saying that her boys needed their father. I said okay but if she changed her mind to give me a call and simply say I like your idea.

She never called me again. The next evening the OM calls the house, he talks to my wife and then ask's to talk to me. He said he was sorry, won't happen again and they will not be communicating anymore.

I am not a man that would do that now. I manipulated this poor woman who's already stressed out, to scare the $hit out of her husband. I regret putting this emotional burden on this struggling wife. As far as the POS OM goes, F him in his F'ing POS a$$. I hope every time he see's a state trooper in his rear view mirror he $hits in his pants.

To clarify, I truly regret putting his wife through this experience, him no regrets at all. They never communicated again. After he dropped her, she grew to dislike him. I did what I had to break the link between them and save my family. Reasoning wasn't going to break the link. It had to be a lower level on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Safety is below love and belonging. So he through my wife under the bus.

[2ltl2lt]

That's pretty hard core mu. I won't hold it against you.

[JellyB]

Mu, I am so pleased to read this. This is you letting go of shame. Thank you for sharing. Shift Mu. Celebrate yourself. You are very much loved for who you are. You are a good man, a great man. A man a fool would leave. (((Mu)))) Jellybxxx

[Free]

Ok. I'll say it.
That was brilliant and I'm not above that type of move. I can see the regret part as OM's wife must have been a mess to begin with. If I were her, I would have told you to do it.
What would you have done if she said yes?
I do not recall seeing that move anywhere on this site. It probably should be added as the 38th rule.
All is fair in love and war and we are in both of them.
I like the way you think.

[Free]

Mu, you have me thinking now.
What is the DB theory here on snooping, PI's, and intelligence gathering in general? I was not planning on going down that road, but maybe it needs to be done.
About 2 years ago, I stopped by a spy store killing time between meetings. There are some incredible devices out there. Voice activated recorders in every possible form. CD cases, cigarette lighters, pencils and pens. They had a visor clip automobile air freshener that recorded 10 hrs of HD video and audio.
The wheels are turning. Any thoughts on this?

[TxHubby]

You have zero chance at anything as long as an A is active. Blow it up.

[Free]

I think I will.
Thank you sir.

[mutatio]

If she said do it I would have had my bluff called. I would have said okay, done nothing. If she asked again later I would have said friend could not do it.

[sandi2]

First of all, a separation does not mean the end, even if your WW is threatening D. I think, based on years of reading these threads, that men fear a S, b/c they see it as being just a step to D. However, the WW/WAW just wants to escape, and sometimes S works out for the good of getting back together. She has time to experience reality without her H in her life (if he'll stay the heck away). It can be quite the eye-opener. So, try to relax as much as you can about facing a separation, and don't think of it as being the very end.

The next question is how? I know about GAL and DBing in general, but it's the tough love to a WW that I have a problem with. I need to take the chance to show her a loss or two without backing down from it.

What do you mean about showing her a loss or two? Give an example.

Like I said, there aren't many W on here as cold as she is so its hard to predict anything from prior experience.

Oh trust me, they've been here. We've had some doozies over the years!