Girl, how do you do it? You are so strong, loving and forgiving.
I am really wrestling with actually hating my H these days. I feel that I have lost all respect for him, that I never really knew him and that it's my fault I'm in the sitch I'm in for not marrying someone with character.
Then I read something like this and realize that we're all in the same boat and that's it's not a reflection of us but rather them.
I don't get this, for the last week I've been calling H during his work day and he DOES not return my phone calls.
This is a 180 for him and for me. I usually don't call him during the day unless I need something or have a question for him. He's usually busy anyways.
NOW, if I call him first he won't call me back. If I don't call him during the day, he'll usually call me anyways that's the way it's always worked.
He would use this as an excuse "you never call me at work" or "you're too busy" or would lead him to think I don't care about him because I don't call him to talk during the day.
So now I'm
Unless work is his "escape" now? OR he thinks I'm checking up on him...more sion
Let it go. You will not be able to get anything right at this time. Things will change 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. One minute it will be okay and the next it will not be.
Don't worry about it and just be you. Limbo sucks and will for quite some time. I know where you are at and there is nothing that you can do to speed it up or make it any easier. All you can do is ask the Lord for the strength to make it through it.
You have been doing great so far, so stay off that rollercoaster and don't try and figure him out at this time. There is no such thing as figuring it out. Just trust the Lord.
I agree with vinlad here. The thing with not returning calls is that childish little game, but also your calling him every day is more about control in his eyes. Break up your pattern of calls, including not calling him for awhile. He doesn't want to be controlled by "mom" which is you in his eyes right now. LEt him take or not take the lead on this one. Also, when he announces he has plans as he did, try not to ask too many questions, let it go and go about your business and you enjoy your night out later this week.
Stop asking him what he is doing when he says he is busy. Act as if you could care less. In fact, tell him you have plans, too. Don't say what you are doing. Then, if you don't have plans for those evenings...make plans.
If you stay home on the nights he is going out...invite someone (gal pals) over to watch movies or exercise or go for a walk or just have coffee.
You can do it, girl! Become independent! Become detached!
You know, I have to agree with AG. Go girl! Sometimes we have to do 180's, even if they are uncomfortable! Join the club, I'm on a whole new wave! Never surfed before, so this will be new, LMAO!
Sitting around doing nothing with your life, looks sad and lonely to me. "act" like you are "getting a life", maybe that will make him sit up and take notice.
Cathy.thanks for stoppping by my thread...you sound like you have alot to deal with..but I feel like youa re strong and will do what you have to..Keep taking care of you, that is so important through this stuff.
Things are so good with h and I, that it scares me...I am very fortunate that he does not treat me at all like he did the past 4 years..and then he was not nasty..mean..just cold, now he treats like he did when we first met.Scary though.
Well I stepped back from our sitch, from my H's behavior and looked at it for what it is, childish. The "I'm busy the next three nights" out of the blue comment. There was no reason to say that at all, no adult reason anyway.
Now, for the first time, I can see the bevahior for what is, I can see that it has nothing to do with me or anytyhing I've done, not done. Oh I used to make it all about me..."now what did I do" "how can I make it better" and really nothing worked and it didn't matter what I did to try to make it different. My H DIDN'T CHANGE and I couldn't MAKE him change--it's H not ME. That is up to him, I CAN let it go now, finally..yippee.
Now when something makes sense to me, like when I step back and look at a behavior and a light bulb goes on, I get this feeling in my body, can't describe it, maybe sensation is a better word--feels good too.
We did have a good night though. Went to dinner with S. H brought up Easter again and wanted to know who specifically asked about him? I gave him a few names. H told me the reason he doesn't like going to my family events is he doesn't feel comfortable there anymore. (Well I kind of figured that and with time I'm hoping he'll get over it). I did tell him that one of my brothers did say "to get over it" and that he was welcome there. I said I don't feel comfortable there sometimes myself. H said why? I said it's just the same thing at all our get togethers and then H went onto to tell me who was doing what and was sitting where and he was absolutely RIGHT! We are too predictable and in routine/rut.
After dinner we went to look a few boats. On one of the streets I was driving too fast, OMG you'd have thought I committed a crime. H said to me "slow down you're going to fast!! I can't see the house numbers, well we drove by it so I had to turn around. I turned around in someone's driveway and H said "don't turn around in their driveway " like it was a crime. He was glaring at me I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and I said why not? You do it. It was one of those moments that threw me off and I almost lost it, wanted to go into the old me routine. So I parked the car, S and H got out to look at the boat. I calmed myself and tried to pinpoint what inside of me was bothered--the child in me or probably plain and simple the way H treated me!!!
We came home, H set up son's racetrack. They played with that for awhile. Got ready for bed. Went into S's room with him for a bit and then got myself ready in the bathroom becuase H goes to bed first and shuts the lights off. I come into our room and I feel something on my shoulder and yep he's got my bras on the ceiling fan again.. and I jump in bed and we .
Afterwards H brings up something that happened five years ago pertaining to the conception of our S4. Which is also the day of the bomb, we were trying for the 2000 baby and April 9 was THE day. I just thought it interesting that H brought it up and also the fact that he had had major back surgery two weeks earlier and that our about killed him!! I wonder if he remembers the date he left and the correlation, I didn't say a word.
The sun is shining and I'm hitting the driving range after work and then outside to do yard work play with S4
I am catching up with as much as I can after having been off the bb for over a month....The difference in my perception after this time off is astounding.....
Life just wasn't meant to be lived in a quagmire of uncertainty and doubt......it goes by very fast and we must make every attempt to be true to ourselves...our values...our goals...and our dreams.......Don't sell yourself short....you deserve a great time and a beautiful life.
You are riding the rollercoaster and hanging on SOOOO well...that you probably don't even realize it!
I have this vision of you on the "Thunderbolt" with your hair whipping around your head and a look of sheer panic on your face, you mouth is open as thought you are screaming but there is no sound coming out!
Be assured that there are ups and downs and the ride will end..........in a slower and calmer pace than it started.
You are doing so well......
Just keep your focus on you and not on him.....because you would never be able to figure out from moment to moment what is in his head...even if all was well between you....you would never know every thought in his head...so don't try.
Enjoy the ride as much as possible, keep the positives in mind and give yourself permission to be who you want to be... I am so proud of you.....and I know you have no idea what a great person you are......I hope by my telling you what I see you might see a little of that too...
OR he thinks I'm checking up on him...more 
I can't see the house numbers, well we drove by it so I had to turn around. I turned around in someone's driveway and H said "don't turn around in their driveway 
and I jump in bed and we 
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