So much to reply to today. Vanilla - he's completely covert. He does not know that I know he uses every single day, nor does he know that I am aware of his visits to the nudie bars. That part, I think, is new. He has *always* struggled with depression and control issues. He has always believed he has himself under perfect control and everyone else is the losers and savages. His words. He has always been this way, to some degree. I dunno if he can hit rock bottom without me leaving/divorcing.
You say do not fund, but I'm the sole provider (pretty much) for the family. Just thinking about it, I'm an addict's dream: sole provider, submissive/obedient wife, already once divorced, with 2 children and who hates divorce. I already do everything in the household (cleaning/bills). How do you maintain a household (without divorce) in this sitch?? I guess he's functioning (he also is an alcoholic) - but he rages at me and wants to control every last thing. There is no "dropping it" - he wants to talk endlessly about how terrible I am. Some of the things you all say to do, I think I understand. Do you state clearly "I'm dropping the rope" or anything like that?
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
