Your situation is more difficult then mine. I'll tell you what I did tonight, I don't have enough time and the caffeine has not kicked in yet. My kids are 23,20,16 but I'm older then you. You still have half your life to go. My BD was 1 year ago. I am living like this until my wife comes around or my son graduates from high school, 2.5 years. Your youngest is 14, that's a long time to do the same thing.
Until your wife ends her PA you cannot reconcile. At this time your only effective choice is to work on yourself. Ponder how you can get more data on OM. Is there a company directory with photos? Can you afford a private detective. It might not matter if it's a deal breaker. Trust is big. I trusted my wife after 2008 because we worked on the marriage, now I trust her but I get anxious because the marriage has unraveled. I do know one thing , in 2008 we should have gone to MC, we didn't and that's why I'm here now. If this turns around for you, insist on MC.
I think Sandi's advice is brilliant and you should follow it. Make your life and the lives of your children filled with joy and beauty. Heal and improve yourself and please believe your life will be better in the future regardless of the marriage because it will be.
