No please, I appreciate everyones advice. I was just joking re knowing you, amwknsw. You've been pushing me to hire an L from the beginning and I'm beginning to think you might be right. I'll see how it goes tomorrow.
I'm so confused. We have SO SO SO much debt, he is going to pay that off. That's why I can't go for the jugular. And I also want to make sure we can stay friendly for the kid's sake. But everyone is telling I have to separate those two things and secure my D and I financially. He is just desperate to be free and focus on himself and his gf.
Gmum - you need a Lawyer. He won't want you to get one for several reasons. None of them have to do with YOUR best interests. That's what a L looks out for.
It's too late now for tomorrow's mediation. Observe with all you have. Agree to nothing.
You have a lot of debt. Whose debt is it? You've indicated in the past that H is careless with money. If he's the one that ran up all the debt, yet now that you're getting D, it's "our" problem, and he wants you to compromise your needs in order to pay off that debt, that just not right.
I'd feel so much better for you if you had a representative looking out for you and D. Seriously.
No, the debt isn't just him. In fact, I feel so responsible because I was the one not brining in enough/any money which certainly didn't help. But he has a good job where he could suddenly make it big, I'll have a regular job that I will need to do while taking care of D full-time. He would not have been able to do his job to the extend he has, while we've been parents if I also worked.
Since you said I shouldn't leave, again I ask is bankruptcy a possibility for the debt. (Is is consumer, non-secured, not college loans, not IRS debts?) If so, I wonder if he is planning on filing bankruptcy once you are divorced.
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But he has a good job where he could suddenly make it big, I'll have a regular job that I will need to do while taking care of D full-time
Child support should be handled through the state agency, that way it can be adjusted should his income go up. Don't settle for any other way -- this protects you if he stops paying because the state agency can hold his passport after he gets behind a certain amount of time. If you don't have him pay through the state agency, enforcement is much trickier.
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He would not have been able to do his job to the extend he has, while we've been parents if I also worked.
This would likely be a factor in future (at least short term) support if you had an attorney.
I am thinking that tomorrow all the mediator will have time to do is explain his/her process. Be prepared to ask questions though. You need to protect your custody at all costs, you need to protect your ability to have adequate housing and you need to decide if you really want to leave the states. (Or you want to move to a more affordable part of the US. He could agree to that, you know. It would cut down on his plane ticket cost, the big jerk.)
He can't file for bankruptcy and I don't think he would. He's been working really hard to get his credit score up.
Part of me wants to leave. I need family around. I could have an easier life. And I really want to get as far away as possible from him.
That's a good point re the state agency. But I think it would be very easy for him to hide money, if he wanted to. He wants me to only have 1-3 years of spousal even though I'm entitled to 6. He says it's not fair that he should pay for me if I meet someone else in a few years but we don't get married.
Can't sleep. Typical before an important day. And I'm stressing about moving. Lot of logistics and I still don't even know if I got the apartment.
Gmum - I raised 5 children for my career building husband. I handled everything home and child related so that he could devote himself to his career.
My H cries "not fair" about the duration of spousal support. On one hand, I feel a bit of sympathy. On the other, I was building MY future along with his. Now that he's changed his mind, my sacrifice means nothing?
I disagree. I disagree with your H, too. He's borrowing trouble. You're going to have your hands full raising daughter - when will you have time to be meeting and/or involved with "someone else"?
Good luck tomorrow. Remember, you're there to observe, really. Agree to nothing. We'll be waiting to hear how it goes...
That's why I keep saying. I'm not out partying and meeting people all the time. My job will most likely be done at home, so no mingling there either. And I'm certainly nowhere close to being ready to date.
Thanks for your supportive words, Ancaire. They're always much appreciated.
Breathe, think before speaking, stay calm. Be strong! You've got this!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Suddenly so nervous. I have a bad feeling about this.
Stop thinking that you are taking his money. He had a child. He is responsible for the child. You are a mamma bear protecting your baby bear, and God help anything that threatens your baby bear. H is threatening. Imagine those apartments you looked at. Imagine your baby there because you were nervous and did not want to take his money.
DONT listen to him. He CANT see his baby in a dirty, rundown, unsafe apartment. He can only see you landing a new guy who pays for EVERYTHING. Like that ever REALLY happens in real life...
The only thing you should be focused on right now is getting what you can to raise his child in the best way possible. If that means he has to cough up money, well he will have to cough up money. If it really bothers you, then work towards a goal where you are also making money. For now, get what you need. Then continue to take small baby steps toward the life you wish you had right now.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
