Just a little MORE venting after a weekend of living with a MLC’r.
I know H is trying, he is getting better, he's seems to be going longer periods w/o drinking, etc., except it’s very trying some days like today. When they think the world is them and their feelings. Like my H not wanting to go his family’s nor my family’s for Easter. “Do you think they’ll mind if I’m not there?” I say “well they’ll ask where you are?” and H says “tell them I’m at OW’s, maybe that’s where I’ll go” I DID NOT say anything, but want an assinine thing to say to me! Rather than to go to his parents or my parents, he’d rather be at OW’s, oh that’s right drinking was the other option.
Then after demanding that I call his SIL to tell her we will not be coming, after me saying a number of times that I was thinking of going, but H demanding I call SIL to tell her we’re not coming today says to me “well you could have went” argghhhhhh.
When S and I were driving to my parents I had the same feeling that I usually have when I’ve been with my family too long, a need to just get away and be by myself (with S of course).
Let’s see what else did H blame me for..having to spank our S. If I disciplined S a little more than H wouldn’t have to be so hard on S. Well that may be true to a point, but H being gone for nine months didn’t help much either. And S having to wonder what was wrong with his mother the first couple of months after he upped and left us….H is the KING of blame. H can make every thing he does, says or reacts to MY fault. I’m not taking the blame, but am not quite sure how to react to his numerous statements. It’s usually not till after the words are out of his mouth and the conversation is over that I realize he’s BLAMING me once again.
“Oh I didn’t come home or call because YOU didn’t call me” or “there’s no connection” is a favorite for an excuse as to why he ends up at OW’s.
He does have his good moments though, which are getting better. Except today was awful. In front of S4 he blames me for giving him “all that candy” I say "Easter bunny"…no, it’s Mom’s fault…blah, blah, blah…
I get home from my parents with a plate of food for H and he’s gone. Who knows where, why do I bother. A few of my family members questioned where H was, one of my brothers said “tell him he can come over, we’re all over it” and my SIL just shook her head. H doesn’t take into consideration other people’s feelings and how they might feel that he doesn’t come. I mean what if they all took it personally and felt sorry for themselves because “H doesn’t like us and all sit around moping”
He’s mad at HIS brother, the one who invited us over today. That’s why we didn’t go. H just can’t let things go. H’s brother has a good marriage and does things with his wife and feels she’s important. H thinks he’s henpecked or CAN’T go on expensive hunting trips or fishing trip. He doesn’t go because he doesn’t need them to fill his life, he can more than afford them, too. I think H's brother told him something like "well at least I can stay married" not to long after he flew the coop here.
I’m done venting, as I said H is trying. But it’s a struggle some days for me to not just let him have it--both barrels. Not to add PMS and my own “chewing on nails and lack of patience the last few days. At least now I recognize the PMS and don’t use it an excuse, or at least try my hardest not to let it control what comes out of my mouth.
