Hey Bob, just sharing for the others that may have the same questions.
My two cents...there are words, and there are actions.
If you don't want to be friends, you don't have to be...but that doesn't mean you have to tell her "I won't be friends with you". You can simply say "No matter what happens we'll have the children and you'll always be part of my life" or even "that would be nice". But then simply decline invitations, be busy, be unavailable, don't share your life. In other words say one thing and do another.
Is this lying? It's a white lie. It's no worse than when you don't want to attend someone's party so you tell them you have other plans. Why would you say "I have no interest in going to your stupid party"? Same reason I don't see a reason to say you won't be friends, just don't be.
Saying "I won't be friends" is actually a bit controlling in my opinion. It's trying to exert pressure on her to rethink her behavior by exerting the little bit of leverage left, her desire to be friends. At least it could definitely come off that way.
Of course, there are people that advise truth darting, the "if you go through with this we won't be friends", but that's usually earlier in the process.
Finally, DB coaches are big proponents of friendship as the basis of any type or R. They say the stages are 1) let the dust settle, 2) develop a autonomous co-parenting relationship and let friendship grow, 3) see if romance is re-introduced, 4) reconcile. The problem is for most DBers it takes a long time for the dust to settle.
Anyway, just some thoughts about the friendship question.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
