You missed the schedule opportunity because you're out in the middle of the storm and can't see. It is not pursuing to find out when he's working. Let him know you need a copy of his schedule because you're going to set up a schedule for the both of you with the children.
Stress that children do best with a routine. Since he's not living at home, actively helping you with the children anymore, you need to know when he's available ahead of time so that you can get things done.
It's pursuing if you're using it to keep track of him. If you're using it to make life more orderly and easier on you during this time, it just makes a lot of sense.
IP, if he gets angry, let him get angry. Stand your ground and insist on receiving a copy of his schedule. I know you've been trying to appear cheerful and upbeat when he's around, but I bet he can sense you're constantly watching him - seeing if anything has changed. It's a silent kind of pressure that doesn't make him feel very good, and he probably labels it "pathetic". You want to make a better impression, if you can.
So...You make a big change first. Remember you have a backbone. You're obviously a wonderful mother and need to keep that in mind so that you can make decisions that are in the best interests of your kids. One unexpected benefit? He's going to begin to view you less as clingy and oh-so-sad, and more someone he needs to respect.
That is only to your benefit! People are not attracted to people they look down on. If he senses your desperation, I guarantee it is not making you look attractive. You're only two months in...I think being a perfect DBer is probably unlikely at the moment - you can only do what you're ready to do. You can put the best interests of your kids before his need to "drop in and get it over with".
One thing I picked up on your last page. You stated that the kids told you all H did was play on his tablet. You're going to have to let that go, for now. You already know you can't control him. You're dealing with a grown man reliving his teens...no one is going to "tell him what to do". He remembered to feed them! Hallelujah! He can handle an emergency. Just don't expect much else, he's going to disappoint you.
I'm just happy for you that you have one of the WAS who is making an effort to see his children. A lot of them don't even do that! You're further ahead than you can see at this moment.
