I have been thinking of you even when I couldn't get to the BB.
Then I catch up to find that your H has retreated to his other world. That is what it is like for him. Two worlds - one without alcohol that includes you and your S. Then one with alcohol and the OW. He is ashamed to involve you in the alcohol world.
Look at is this way - the OW is getting sloppy seconds - LOL! She is only in possession of the side of him that is hazy.
You, on the other hand, possess his love and his precious child. He truly is reaching his limit and then the truth will become obvious to him. He needs help with his drinking and needs to clean up his act.
Regarding his stomach - getting a scope is no big deal. When I had an ulcer I actually watched mine on a "learner's scope" - it was sooooo coooollll! And it helped me understand what was going on.
I would encourage him to get it and get it over with. There are some wonderful meds that can heal any variety of ailments in the stomach and GI tract.
Mostly, I want to tell you how much I admire you. You are doing so well. I know this is tough stuff but you yourself are pretty tough. Your venting made me laugh - so you helped even then!
I'll keep praying for you! Hang in there.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Minnie, Totite, Patty and Deb...thanks for thinking about me. I missed you all this weekend, didn't get a chance to get to the BB much.
Had a really good weekend..considering the world I live in.
Friday night when I got home from work H was there with S4 who he had picked up from daycare. H seemed really excited to see me, had to show me some thing he had bought at a dinner he went to Tuesday night, which was the last night he had been home. SS20 was on his way over, we were all going out to eat and then to an indoor moto-cross show which S4 loved.
Saturday we spent most of the day at a sporting show, SS20 came over Saturday night for dinner and then they all hung out and I watched a movie. I needed some space, some breathing room. I get that way when I'm PMSing, needs lots of me time or quiet time. Couldn't quite get my footing by Saturday night, felt out of sorts, needed to collect my thoughts.
Yesterday we did a little shopping and went to the driving range! S4 likes to go and does quite well. I found that I haven't forgot a whole lot since last year and have come a long way since I picked it up two years ago. H even hit a few balls. H didn't golf at all last year which I knew, but he did point it out to me. S and I did some yard work yesterday too. H sat in the house watching TV. Came in at one point to talk to him and it's like he was in another world..can't describe the look in his eyes--dead maybe.
We then had a nice dinner, went back outside to put stuff away. H was back on the computer looking for a boat to buy.
Thought about OW and kind of felt sorry for her. That H would spend two nights there and then just up and come home to me, to his family and how pathetic it was that she takes the little morsels that she can from my H. That H is using OW to get through his pain. It's like Vinlad said if H didn't have his drinking and OW everything would be just too much for H to handle. So until H gets a handle on his feelings, his world, OW might be around a little longer than I'd like to think. I don't feel threatened by OW anymore, she is a band-aid, I fully see this now.
Some days I envy OW. Yes her H did die, but she has the opportunity for a fantastic life. She's financially stable due to her H's insurance policy. She's young, 40 or 41, she could do so well for herself or maybe it's just me projecting myself into her. OW is just as lost as my H is, can't see a good thing when it's right in front of her face. Well enough about OW..she has HER lessons to learn.
Just wanted to stop by and tell you I am thinking of you. Hope that your day is going well and that you are having some of the same great weather we have going on today!
You talking about golf makes me want to get my clubs out. I haven't golfed in two years but I like to do it and love watching it on TV (how nerdy is that!)
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Haven't been posting, been doing a lot of thinking. Friday is a year ago of the BOMB! KABOOM!
I'm working late every night except Friday this week. I have an event and I remember last year being just a WRECK this whole week. The event is a week earlier this year, so the BOMB had already been dropped.
Just a lot of emotions, feelings, ohhh so much going through my head right now.
I'm such a different person, on the inside, than I was back then, so much stronger, surer of my self. My self esteem has never been higher, I am so alive and life is wonderful in an AWAKE way now, not the way it was a year ago.
I'm starting to get emotional posting, tears are forming and I have to get to work....but things have been going well this week.
Vinlad posted this MLC, but thought I could use the same advice. I seem to be focussing too much on what happened a YEAR ago when there is absolutely nothing I can do about the past. Need to focus on me, now and today!
Basically the Lord has told me that MY DESTINY IS NOT THE PIT.
Your destiny is not where you are at right now and you are not alone and he has never left your side. Read the story about Joseph in the old testament. It tells the story of a 17 year old boy who's brothers hated him and sold him and told his father that he was dead.
I learned about how he had all the feelings that so many of us LBS have during this time. He was rejected, persecuted, lied about, forgotten about, betrayed, and many other things. All of the same things that the Lord went through. Yet, he had a purpose and there was a reason he went through everything that he went through.
The most important thing that I learned though, is that you have to stop looking and focusing on what happened to you, what is happening now and all the emotions that are going on inside of you. That what you are going through and what has happened, is not your destiny.
That the Lord has a much better destiny for you, but Satan doesn't want you to have that destiny. He wants you to stay trapped in the pit. That is where he wants you to stay, so as long as he can make you believe that you are unable to forgive, unable to forget, unable to go on or whatever else he can come up with, then he has you in that pit never getting what God has planned for you.
He has you blinded and deceived. He has you thinking that God doesn't care or that he is not there and that keeps you living in the pit where God does not want you to be. It is hard to get this, because it took me a long time, but you have so much power within you that you don't even realize that you have because satan has you believing that your life is gone down the tubes because the person that you cared so much about has done so many awful things.
This is not true. Yes, the circumstances are not he best, but that doesn't mean that the Lord can not and will not change those circumstances around. Who knows what they Lord has out there for you that is waiting, but unless you let go of the things of the past and the pain, he can't get those things to you.
He understands everything that you have been through and he cares, but he needs you to take a step of faith and let go and move forward. Get out of your pit and into the palace that he has there for you.
OW is just as lost as my H is, can't see a good thing when it's right in front of her face. Well enough about OW..she has HER lessons to learn.
) 
