Hi Cali - sorry, I am coming a bit late to the party, but better late than never huh!
I was sad to hear your update, you have been devout in your endeavor to reconcile your m, never losing hope or the optimism that it will come right in the end. I feel at this point that retreating is a sensible course of action, your w is clearly not in the right head-space to handle a committed relationship with you yet and as you realise, living together is hindering her working through her demons as you have become a crutch for her, a reason to avoid facing her feelings and thoughts.
Hindsight is a wonderful word isn't it; the shoulda, woulda, coulda statement. You did what felt right to you at the time, there is no right or wrong way with this, only lessons to learn from. No one can predict what the outcome of any action is going to be, we just have to jump in and hope for the best. You now know that your w is nowhere near done with her crisis, she has a long way still to go yet and I think you already know that she has to do this on her own, without Cali supporting her ....even from the sidelines.
Your s has already experienced dad living on his own so it will be familiar to him. You give him a stable environment and he responds to that. Keep on being his dad and he will love you for it.
When we first join this board it all about searching threads for the ones that give us hope that reconciliation is possible and does happen. As time passes we grow and change, addressing the things about our own selves/life that we want to improve on and in doing so we find that actually the focus is no longer on whether we reconcile, its about what will make US happy, fulfilled and complete. You have worked out what you want for your life and from your future partner, that is fantastic, it means that you have found the light after the dark, you have come through this a better, stronger and healthier man. Cali, whatever happens, whether your w eventually catches up with you or if you find new love or even decide alone is ok, you will be just fine because you will make sure of it.
