Minnie, Totite, Patty and Deb...thanks for thinking about me. I missed you all this weekend, didn't get a chance to get to the BB much.

Had a really good weekend..considering the world I live in.

Friday night when I got home from work H was there with S4 who he had picked up from daycare. H seemed really excited to see me, had to show me some thing he had bought at a dinner he went to Tuesday night, which was the last night he had been home. SS20 was on his way over, we were all going out to eat and then to an indoor moto-cross show which S4 loved.

Saturday we spent most of the day at a sporting show, SS20 came over Saturday night for dinner and then they all hung out and I watched a movie. I needed some space, some breathing room. I get that way when I'm PMSing, needs lots of me time or quiet time. Couldn't quite get my footing by Saturday night, felt out of sorts, needed to collect my thoughts.

Yesterday we did a little shopping and went to the driving range! S4 likes to go and does quite well. I found that I haven't forgot a whole lot since last year and have come a long way since I picked it up two years ago. H even hit a few balls. H didn't golf at all last year which I knew, but he did point it out to me. S and I did some yard work yesterday too. H sat in the house watching TV. Came in at one point to talk to him and it's like he was in another world..can't describe the look in his eyes--dead maybe.

We then had a nice dinner, went back outside to put stuff away. H was back on the computer looking for a boat to buy.

Thought about OW and kind of felt sorry for her. That H would spend two nights there and then just up and come home to me, to his family and how pathetic it was that she takes the little morsels that she can from my H. That H is using OW to get through his pain. It's like Vinlad said if H didn't have his drinking and OW everything would be just too much for H to handle. So until H gets a handle on his feelings, his world, OW might be around a little longer than I'd like to think. I don't feel threatened by OW anymore, she is a band-aid, I fully see this now.

Some days I envy OW. Yes her H did die, but she has the opportunity for a fantastic life. She's financially stable due to her H's insurance policy. She's young, 40 or 41, she could do so well for herself or maybe it's just me projecting myself into her. OW is just as lost as my H is, can't see a good thing when it's right in front of her face. Well enough about OW..she has HER lessons to learn.

More later...

Cathy