Here I am still

[kyrie]

So much to catch up on...I'm still going through Fo.2's stuff and really relate to her (and Painter, and and and). Have to admit, I assumed JellyB was a man at first (oops, many apologies - dunno why I thought that).
Anyway, I keep coming back to a few things. One, my H has always been kinda this way, so this is not just some A fog, etc. That is why I think ...well, the way I do about a lot of things. I think it is impossible to "get space" the way things are here, unless one of us leaves.
The plan thing sounds helpful. I know I've gyrated because I get caught up in stuff and lose focus. And I'm swirling in the vortex so I'm not sure how helpful I'll be...but I'll try to jump in, where I can. Remember, I have to be VERY surrepticious (sneaky). Asking for advise from others would nearly equivocate to him going to other women...well, how's that for irony.

Zues, sometimes your insights are surprisingly clear which I need. Also, it is so refreshing to hear you talk about committment, loyalty, etc. the way you do. It's easy to get cynical but you *get it*. My H used to talk that way too.
About fake..."do what's right" - that's the place where I need more clarity: according to him what is right is one thing.
IN any sitch in our M, he is always right. He's the "head", the H, and so I just need to only do as he says. Right or wrong, that's what is *right*. So that means I have to take his spew and just apologize for being anything less than perfect. That is his 'narrative' or whatever. That's what has created so much confusion.
SO, how do I do what's right??