Yes Laurie is great. It's almost like she waited until I figured this out for myself and then she says it in a way that makes total sense.
I called H this morning and he had his cell phone on, he answered. I said hello and asked how he was, if he was okay. He wanted to know why? I said I haven’t heard from you in two days. H said I hadn’t tried to call him either. Said he spent a few days with OW, said it like it happens all the time. I said why didn’t you call and tell me that was what you were doing, let me know. You don’t tell me that what you’re doing? He said it wasn’t planned, just kind of happend. He then said that we don’t talk, we don’t have a “connection” blah, blah, the WORDS, his tape he plays for me.
I said I try to talk to you but you won’t talk, you won’t answer, I ask about your doctor appt. and it’s like you don’t want to tell me anything about it. I also said that I knew he was still talking to OW and how she was involved and how can there be a connection or feelings when there are two woman involved. And if he didn’t have feelings for me, didn’t want to be with us, then do something, make a decision. H said why don’t one of you give me the boot? I said you have to decide. I am not going to give H an ultimatum, yes he may want that but I want him to do this on his own for himself.
I brought up his children, his two boys and that it’s like he’s trying to write us all out of his life. He’s gone for two days and that there’s a little boy wondering where his dad is..I mean come on. I think it really bothers my H that our S4 has such a connection to his brother SS20. I said to H that SS was over last night and H wanted to know if S4 missed him or asked about him while SS was there. S4 does miss his brother a lot and says that a lot. S4 was playing a video game last night and all of a sudden I heard him crying. I was thinking it was because his dad wasn’t home yet, but he said he missed his brother and that he didn’t stay very long. SS bowls, so he only stayed a little while. So I cuddled with my little guy the rest of the night, we watched SpongeBob.
Then H asked if I still wanted him back home after “all of this.” I said yes I do, I love you and care about you. H was very quiet. I then said that he wouldn’t let me know love him, that he pushed me away from him, and told him again that I love him.
I asked H about his weekend plans. He said he was still planning on taking S4 tonight and did I think that SS20 would show up, that he was still planning to do things with his boys and ME (yes he included my name, well not my name, but “sons and you.” H says S20’s unreliable…hmmm I wonder why he gets that FROM!? SS20 is not unreliable, H is thinking back to when he was a little younger.
This man is very needy, a pushing away kind of needy, feels very unloved by everybody even his own children.
I really need to think on this as to what to do. How do I love a guy who doesn’t want to be loved nor thinks he deserves to be loved?
