Prepare to be amazed: I did not bring up anything from last week. I've been keeping to myself most of the day. He's had a couple of questions for me. I've been a perfect friendly neighbor, pleasant and smiling.
I'm calm, working on other things, and quite frankly, both surprised and delighted with myself!
I gave myself a facial this morning. Deep conditioned my hair. Tried a new makeup look as well as did something a bit different with my hair. Eyes are sparkling and hair is gleaming... I look really, really good. He's studiously avoiding looking at me! LOL
Today is a great day. Have a few errands to run, and then I'll be back this afternoon.
I am very happy that you are filled with joy. Your husband certainly notices even if he says nothing. Keep it up, it's good for you and might give him pause.
Hi Ancaire, thank you for your care and kindness. I will start a new thread. Just not ready to do so at the moment. But I do appreciate you asking. As always much love JellyBxxx
Judy, u think if you can keep the pma and keep looking great... WH is going to get very curious. That may help your sitch, and it will be fun to see him interested in you again. Stay detached and have some fun everyday. It will go a long way for you.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Yeah - today was a little weird. I made some joking response to something he said - I can't remember exactly, but it was like, "See? I really am a nice person." To which he responds, "I never said you weren't."
I officially do not understand him. Distance is best.
Ancaire, H has told me over and over that I'm a good person with a good heart and that he loves me (but not in love) - it doesn't mean they want to stay M to us.
I think M gets too hard so they want to have the simple, but intoxicating first attraction again, a R that doesn't involve mundane problems and obligations.
I think that's why breezy mysteriousness and GAL and PMA works - remind them that you are the person they were first attracted to.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Painter - I do believe you've hit it right on the nose! Since my H used the words, "I just want to date other people" - that practically shouts to me that he's bored and missing excitement. Also, he waited until our youngest had graduated. You're right, his goal is not to have responsibilities and obligations.
I feel so badly for him, for the path he's forcing us both to take as regards our family. I'm going to hold up my end to the best of my ability. I keep remembering the look of shock on his face last week when I informed him we wouldn't be friends, and then his anger following. He really expects me to be happy taking a back-seat in his life, but remain in it. I don't remember him hitting his head - but clearly, something has happened to knock his good sense right out of him.
I don't know what's changed in me, but something clearly has. I'm busy typing out my settlement terms. I'm ready to move on and leave him to his mess. For a man who doesn't want obligations and responsibilities, he's about to get a rude awakening. I'm going strictly by the law - and he's not going to like it.
It's sad - because I'll miss him like crazy (well, the old H.) I can't deny, though, that I'm feeling excited about starting my own new chapter. It's weird, because I'll still consider myself M, but I won't have a H. Huh. That'll take some getting used to, right? LOL
I have been in a great mood. I'm not sharing anything relating to me - I consider that my own business now. I really don't want to tell him, because "self-work" sounds anything but exciting and mysterious. As I get more and more in touch with my old self, I'll just see what happens as life unfolds in front of me. I believe in M. I meant my vows. I'm making the best choice regarding the "for worse" part of my vows that I can. Let him go. Work on me. GAL. Be happy.
This is a strange, strange frame of mind to find myself in, but am I ever glad I found it!
Sensational? Not quite...LOL But, I do look better than I have in months. I'm smiling, humming, my complexion is glowing, and I haven't cried in days, so the puffiness around my eyes I've had for months is finally going away. I'm happy to start with that.
Originally Posted By: inpain
Sounds like you are doing brilliantly at the moment Ancaire. Keep up that positive attitude! Hope your day continued to be great!
I am doing pretty well at the moment. I plan to keep it up. It feels so much better than that sad, depressed person I've been for way too long now. Thanks!
Originally Posted By: dday
Judy, u think if you can keep the pma and keep looking great... WH is going to get very curious. That may help your sitch, and it will be fun to see him interested in you again. Stay detached and have some fun everyday. It will go a long way for you.
I'd be content with just curious for now. Now that I realize the scope of self-work I need to do, I'm looking forward to being on my own to really get it done. I'm getting my power back, and it feels really good!
Originally Posted By: mutatio
I am very happy that you are filled with joy. Your husband certainly notices even if he says nothing. Keep it up, it's good for you and might give him pause.
Thanks, M! I, too, am thrilled to find my joy again. It's an oddity. For a person who struggles with Depression like me, my go-to mood is usually happy and positive. I've been learning so much through my conversations with Vanilla, that I actually have high hopes that once I really get a handle on past happenings that I've buried, I may actually one day be free of the depression! I'm a little afraid to hope for that, but from my reading, it's not impossible. That would be true peace and joy for me. The depression has nearly destroyed me on multiple occasions. For it to be gone, without needing medication? That would be a dream come true! I'm learning to manage it in the meantime, so even if I never completely get rid of it, I will no longer give it the power to destroy me...that's miles ahead of where I've been my entire life!
I don't know where I'd be without you guys. Seriously. I was in such need, such deep pain...and the friends I've made on this board have literally helped carry me through what is, without doubt, the darkest time in my life. Nothing hurts quite as much as total rejection by the person we love most in this world. I know you all understand what I'm saying right now. Thank you so much for being here, and being willing to reach out like you have. I definitely plan to pay it forward!
Anc, you have helped me, and I am sure MANY others through this junk too. Don't forget that.
Depression is horrible. No other way to describe it. It robbed me of most of my married years. Now, I have finally gotten a handle on it, which if I hadn't, I probably wouldn't be here today. I do have a very low dose of AD meds that I take every day. Do I need them? Probably not, but I am not willing to risk trying to go without.
You are a rockstar. Never forget it!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
