Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

Perhaps this is a difference in philosophy... It sounds like you are saying that it doesn't really matter what I learn or come to understand, and that all it matters is that I take the right actions.

Im not really sure thats what Im saying.

The way I see it is that you have a goal and your actions should be those that get you toward your goal. My GUESS is that your goal isnt to "understand the emotional root of your wife's troubles". I dont know that exposing and hashing through those will get you closer to your goals.

I do believe that the "what" is more important than the "why" in the short term. I believe that the "why" will come out eventually; it doesnt need to drive your actions.

Fair enough. I guess find it quite difficult to commit to certain actions when I don't fully understand why I'm doing it. When my gut instinct is pulling hard in the opposite direction it feels especially hard to resist that when I don't understand why I must do so. Recently, I have been having a hard time committing to no R talk with my W whatsoever. I have managed to dial it back significantly, but I have moments where my gut tells me that we could use a bit of talk to establish where things are at. Being this patient is really, really hard. It seems like gaining a deeper understanding of why I must be patient would help to make it easier to be patient. The problem is, it's really hard to gain that deeper understanding without talking to my W at all!