That's unfortunately what we call the rollercoaster ride of your life. Things can go up and down so fast, just as your h's emotions can swing from as high as a kite to as depressed as anything in a flip of a switch. While he's still in replay he'll swing like this unfortunately.
I'm glad to hear they couldn't find anything wrong with his stomach. It's the mlc curse--many have stomach problems and weakened immune systems due to all the stress and yes, the drinking too.
You can make it, just don't let your imagination fly so freely.
So I should just enjoy the good days. Kind of like a person with cancer, you never know when they're going to have a relapse. A guy my H works with is dying of cancer so I'm sure this is bugging my H, too.
If he was as drunk as he was the last time...I'm glad he didn't come here. In a way it's like he knows better than to come here and that the last time he came so damn drunk was meant to show me something.
H isn't home yet. SS20 was here to see S4 and have dinner. H knew S20 was coming over tonight. SS asked where his dad was I said either working or drinking. SS said let's hope he's working. SS20 said before he left "do you think dad will be at his bar when I drive by?" I said call me.
The plan earlier this week was to go the deer and turkey expo tomorrow night and I told SS20 to plan on going with us so he's coming here after school. WE are ALL going.
Still no H. Haven't heard from him, nothing. Have a feeing he won't show up here tonight either.
I know it's all part of MLC, but this seems like a huge step backwards, not showing up last night and then again tonight, with no warning. He is going backwards. There is nothing predictable about this MLC is there? Does he think he can just hide?
Oh well, I'm getting that detached feeling. I guess this is what was happening before H moved back home, he'd swing in then I wouldn't hear from him for a few days. But, now he is home and I have to live with it everyday, wonder if he's going to be here or not.
Luckily my S4 isn't too concerned, misses his SB more..maybe because he is more reliable than his dad, I don't know.
Focus back on you. Satan is playing mind games again with you. He knows the buttons to push and he is pushing all of them and will continue to push them until you let it all go.
Talking from experience here. Yes, all these things that he is doing, is very frustrating and hurting, but remember who has control of your husband and it is not the OW.
Also, some times the feelings that are overcoming you are ways that the Lord is also helping you to purge or get rid of the hurt that is still inside of you. This helps to make more room for the new feelings that he is giving you for your husband.
This is not an easy road and God never said it was easy, but he did say he would be there with you through it all. Now, you have two things that you can do here. You can continue to let satan mess with your head, or you can kick his butt.
Maybe he is doing all the things that you think he is doing or maybe he isn't. You really don't know and most of it is assuming right now because you are not there with him to really see what he is going through. Also remember, that you are not really inside of his head to know exactly what it is he is thinking.
Have you ever been filled with so much shame, guilt and fear that you didn't feel you had a right to something that was better for you, so you accepted less? I know that it is hard to think that he could actually be going through that, but it isn't.
This man is scared. Every step he takes towards you, scares the crap out of him. So he retreats for a bit and then comes back again. He sees a woman that has had terrible things done to her and they were done to her by him. Yet, she has found a way to forgive him and to take him back. Now, wouldn't that kind of blow your mind a little if it were you? Wouldn't you be running a little scared as you are watching your life unravel before your eyes and this person that you did all this stuff too has managed to forgive you and can look at you with love?
This is a scary thing to him because this is not something that has ever happened to him before in his life. Do you know what he is really use to? People cutting him down, telling him he is worthless, writing him out of their lives, etc. and yet with every thing he has done to you, you are still there.
Last night it did finally occur to me that it was Satan who was playing games with me, wanting me to give up and messing with my mind. Boy he is really trying, but I'm onto him now!
I did sleep all night! I refocussed back on me and I'm going to be okay. I'll always be okay.
I am worried about my H. I don't know where he is or even if he's okay.
I'm going to jump on the treadmill, get ready for work and call my H.
As always Laurie has posted an awesome post to you! It could apply to most of us actually and I too "see" what is happening to our H's.
Quote: Have you ever been filled with so much shame, guilt and fear that you didn't feel you had a right to something that was better for you, so you accepted less? I know that it is hard to think that he could actually be going through that, but it isn't.
This man is scared. Every step he takes towards you, scares the crap out of him. So he retreats for a bit and then comes back again. He sees a woman that has had terrible things done to her and they were done to her by him. Yet, she has found a way to forgive him and to take him back. Now, wouldn't that kind of blow your mind a little if it were you? Wouldn't you be running a little scared as you are watching your life unravel before your eyes and this person that you did all this stuff too has managed to forgive you and can look at you with love?
Thanks Laurie! Another eye opener for me too! It is always a good idea to put ourselves in our H's shoes. Caly told me this also.
Hang in there Cathy, as T2 said your H is hitting rock bottom, there is no way but up!
Cathy - I agree w/ Laurie and Deb - I too see that in C and things are on the upswing with her for now but I can see that it might swing the other way again - I just have to be ready and be there for her as a friend so it will swing back again.
Hang in there and we will all be praying for your H and you.
Yes Laurie is great. It's almost like she waited until I figured this out for myself and then she says it in a way that makes total sense.
I called H this morning and he had his cell phone on, he answered. I said hello and asked how he was, if he was okay. He wanted to know why? I said I haven’t heard from you in two days. H said I hadn’t tried to call him either. Said he spent a few days with OW, said it like it happens all the time. I said why didn’t you call and tell me that was what you were doing, let me know. You don’t tell me that what you’re doing? He said it wasn’t planned, just kind of happend. He then said that we don’t talk, we don’t have a “connection” blah, blah, the WORDS, his tape he plays for me.
I said I try to talk to you but you won’t talk, you won’t answer, I ask about your doctor appt. and it’s like you don’t want to tell me anything about it. I also said that I knew he was still talking to OW and how she was involved and how can there be a connection or feelings when there are two woman involved. And if he didn’t have feelings for me, didn’t want to be with us, then do something, make a decision. H said why don’t one of you give me the boot? I said you have to decide. I am not going to give H an ultimatum, yes he may want that but I want him to do this on his own for himself.
I brought up his children, his two boys and that it’s like he’s trying to write us all out of his life. He’s gone for two days and that there’s a little boy wondering where his dad is..I mean come on. I think it really bothers my H that our S4 has such a connection to his brother SS20. I said to H that SS was over last night and H wanted to know if S4 missed him or asked about him while SS was there. S4 does miss his brother a lot and says that a lot. S4 was playing a video game last night and all of a sudden I heard him crying. I was thinking it was because his dad wasn’t home yet, but he said he missed his brother and that he didn’t stay very long. SS bowls, so he only stayed a little while. So I cuddled with my little guy the rest of the night, we watched SpongeBob.
Then H asked if I still wanted him back home after “all of this.” I said yes I do, I love you and care about you. H was very quiet. I then said that he wouldn’t let me know love him, that he pushed me away from him, and told him again that I love him.
I asked H about his weekend plans. He said he was still planning on taking S4 tonight and did I think that SS20 would show up, that he was still planning to do things with his boys and ME (yes he included my name, well not my name, but “sons and you.” H says S20’s unreliable…hmmm I wonder why he gets that FROM!? SS20 is not unreliable, H is thinking back to when he was a little younger.
This man is very needy, a pushing away kind of needy, feels very unloved by everybody even his own children.
I really need to think on this as to what to do. How do I love a guy who doesn’t want to be loved nor thinks he deserves to be loved?
Forgot to include that H was at the bar drinking last night as he told me that much, pretty sure he was there Wednesday night, too. So the "spending time with OW" isn't necessarily the whole truth. Think he felt like he couldn't come home last night after the night before. Or maybe he was testing me.
