Focus back on you. Satan is playing mind games again with you. He knows the buttons to push and he is pushing all of them and will continue to push them until you let it all go.
Talking from experience here. Yes, all these things that he is doing, is very frustrating and hurting, but remember who has control of your husband and it is not the OW.
Also, some times the feelings that are overcoming you are ways that the Lord is also helping you to purge or get rid of the hurt that is still inside of you. This helps to make more room for the new feelings that he is giving you for your husband.
This is not an easy road and God never said it was easy, but he did say he would be there with you through it all. Now, you have two things that you can do here. You can continue to let satan mess with your head, or you can kick his butt.
Maybe he is doing all the things that you think he is doing or maybe he isn't. You really don't know and most of it is assuming right now because you are not there with him to really see what he is going through. Also remember, that you are not really inside of his head to know exactly what it is he is thinking.
Have you ever been filled with so much shame, guilt and fear that you didn't feel you had a right to something that was better for you, so you accepted less? I know that it is hard to think that he could actually be going through that, but it isn't.
This man is scared. Every step he takes towards you, scares the crap out of him. So he retreats for a bit and then comes back again. He sees a woman that has had terrible things done to her and they were done to her by him. Yet, she has found a way to forgive him and to take him back. Now, wouldn't that kind of blow your mind a little if it were you? Wouldn't you be running a little scared as you are watching your life unravel before your eyes and this person that you did all this stuff too has managed to forgive you and can look at you with love?
This is a scary thing to him because this is not something that has ever happened to him before in his life. Do you know what he is really use to? People cutting him down, telling him he is worthless, writing him out of their lives, etc. and yet with every thing he has done to you, you are still there.
