Sorry to hear about the news of OM. Work on your plan, but do sleep on it some more.
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I do not think I can ever get past being cheated on.
Many men have felt that would be the deal breaker, only to realize the love they had was stronger than an A. I'll admit not everyone can or will tolerated the betrayal. Only you get to decide. I just encourage you to not to react strictly out of emotions.
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Over the years, we've had friends that cheated on their spouses and both my wife and I felt that if things were so bad, get divorced before you cheat. I still feel that way, but my STBXW apparently does not.
Oh, I was too. Until I became wayward to the point of flirting....then another level, then another. A level at a time, along with her justification that she deserves to be happy, and first thing she knows......she's in an A.
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She will probably find out about all of this when she tries to gas up her car. The same car that will have no insurance as of tomorrow.
Word of warning, don't shoot yourself in the foot. Be careful about insurances, etc. If something were to happened while it was uninsured, you might be held liable, IDK.
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It's time that we speak to our children. When I've brought this up in the past, W refused. I will speak to them without her. They are all old enough and they can see what is happening here.
I understand, but stop and think how you would feel if she beat you to the punch.....and gave her version of it. You can tell them the truth, but both of you should be there when it's said. Otherwise, you are starting a battle you may regret. I know you see your W's A as starting it, but I mean another battle ground with the kids in the middle.
Please don't tell the kids that everything will be okay. I realize you want to assure them, but you've already told the oldest that things would be okay.....and it wasn't. Daddys are just human and he can't always make everything work out. The family life they have known will cease, once the D is final. So to them, everything will definitely not be okay. Just try to be honest with them and tell them at an age appropriate level.
Be very careful where you place blame. Don't protect your W, by taking all the blame, b/c your children could have hard feelings toward you for the rest of their lives, thinking you were the cause of the D. She is the mother of your children.....so just be careful how you say things. Don't paint her as harlot, although that may be your feelings at the time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
