The family event to the hockey game came and went, and WW was in the mood to talk on Sunday. She had mentioned on Saturday night that something was changing her thought process.
The conversation wasn't elegant, and the clouds didn't part with sunshine flowing down. I didn't have the exact words to say what I wanted, but I have learned to validate. I have learned to listen better, and I have learned to pull what my WW is expressing out of her - she still struggles to talk about her feelings.
What I got was this: she's really scared. And that filing the D was the most scared she's been in her life. That she thinks it's a mistake, but that everyone was/is telling her to move on and dump me. After about 20 minutes of talking, eating lunch next to each other, my wife had to go to a meeting with a neighbor about Advocare - taking a 24 day cleanse, working out 5x a week, and losing a lot of weight right now. Side note - she's stuggled with self-image for our entire marriage, so this change in her is profound.
I head upstairs with her to find a tape measure - she's getting some measurements for the meeting. Something happened while we talked - she kept on looking at me, not with angry eyes, but eyes that said 'help me'.
I then grabbed her, and gave her a passionate kiss... the first kiss I've given her in 4 months or so. We made out for 10 minutes, in the bathroom, with the door closed - no kids, no dog, just us.
She cried. I cried. And she told me she wants me - that she's choosing us. That she needs to see what has changed for us - that I've changed, and wants to see where things go. That she's calling the laywer on Monday and calling off the D.
WW's are a crazy bunch. Am I to believe her? That was the issue for me. We talked once the kids were in bed, but talking at night is always bad - she was exhausted. I continued to validate, but she was open to a few suggestions - get some counseling on her own, get her thyroid levels checked (she says she's overdue for bloodwork). Her mind was on the people that she listened to, that told her to move on. They'd ask why she has her ring back on, why she's talking with me now. I told her that they really don't matter - that WE matter. She'll have to have the difficult discussion with OM. She wants to give me access to her phone.
I told her we're taking it slow. We're going to make a second marriage, and that we're going to be different - we've both changed. She has my committment. She says she 'wants to give it a shot', but the difference is that she is committed as well. There will be some tears, some difficult conversations, and that the hurt we have doesn't go away in days, or weeks. But that it will fade, as long as we forgive each other. Daily forgiveness.
She said that she choose ME.
I feel like I won the lottery. Scratch that, this is better.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
