do nothing or what

[roist]

Can i have some advice/opinions please?

This weekend everyone in the house seemed to be in lousy humour, especially W. We all went to a neighbours house Saturday evening and had a late night. It was a good night but everyone was tired the next morning.

I had planned a short spin on the mountain bike Sunday morning.I had eaten too much, stand drank too much and slept not enough but I wanted to go anyway just to get out of house. The old me would have put iff going and put my needs last.
The minute I came back the boys joined me in the basement gym. After I take 10 minutes to shower and put clothes in washing machine etc. I had intended chatting with W a few minutes and then either help with the dinner or play with the boys. But just before I was ready they acted up and W was annoyed with them. At such times I usually let W finish giving out to them, support her if boys reply but generally let her handle it as she had started.

At the table the boys acted up a bit too and W reacted, maybe even over reacted and left the table. I was not sure if I should have gone after her or not. In a normal R I would say yes, but I seem to remember similar advice here to not do so. I spoke to the boys and got the eldest to go apologize and ask her to come back. She did and our youngest apologised.

My W had planned to meet a friend that afternoon so thinking she would not be there I had spoken the boys about what we were going to do together.
I intend to make the most of any boy time we have so I would have done something just the three of us. My W's plans fell through and so we now were all four of us for the afternoon. As we had not finalised plans that was OK but in hindsight I would have preferred that we had already made plans and stuck to it.

Whereas most of the frustration was directed at the boys some overflowed and came my way. I probably should have validated more but I was tired and cranky too. I did hold back my tongue. At one stage I dropped everything and asked that we restate what we were going to do that afternoon to be sure we were on the same page, as every time I opened my mouth she jumped down it. I was calm but had had enough. I don't think she liked that but I was not accepting her treatment of me.

Anyway we finished the DIY project though it was mainly me with one son at a time. Shortly afterwards when I was tidying away the DIY project, my W abruptly decided to go to her grandmother's for a while.She needed sir and space. Once she left I gave out to the boys. Afterwards we spent 90 minutes of calm together.I personally felt the pressure and mood lift once W left.

Then it was shower time and boys got hyper again as they went down to bathroom, and W arrives back exactly then!

I did not talk with W about it afterwards as I thought that she would talk if she wanted to. Things were OK that evening but she stayed up late because she wasn't sleepy.

Anyway what is the DB protocol on days like this? I know I cannot fix her but can I be supportive in a more useful or DB way? Should I bring it up this evening or let it be?