[BrightFuture]

Happy New Year to you too, Gwen and Lou! Thanks for stopping by!

We had an entire week of storms and rain and thunderstorms, and flush floods, and even tornado warning in a couple of areas, which is extremely unusual. There was a power outage in my area for a couple of nights. We do need some rain here, but I’m so ready for some sunshine. I tend to get depressed when I don’t see the sun for a while. It looks like we are going to have a few nice days here.

Today my son came to take down the Christmas lights from the outside of the house. I took off the decorations from the tree and he carried it to the curb. It was a fairly tall tree and I would have a hard time dragging it outside. I’m so grateful that I have a son who comes to help me with things. After it all was taken care off, we had dinner that I cooked. His GF came as well. We has a nice dinner and a good time.

After they left, I cleaned up. I looked at my house and realized that the stress of the holidays is over and it is back to “normal”. I can’t really explain the feeing thought… I like the holidays, but I think that they always have this element of pain since after the BD. I don’t know if it is ever going to be different.

I feel like I’m ready to put all the pain behind me, but I cannot. After H’s visit right before the New Year’s Eve, I was thinking that I could use some break and go on with my life. I forgot to mention that I’ve got a text from H on the New Year’s Eve telling me that my mutual friend from Mexico was trying to call me. I noticed the missed call on my phone. And in H’s text he was telling me that she would calling me on his phone. I replied that I would be paying attention to my phone so I don’t miss the call. Then she called. She wished me a happy New Year, we chatted for a bit. I understood that they were in the same company with H on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t really made anything out of it until I got a text from H a couple of days ago asking me to send him a company file because he needed to pay his Visa bill.

WTF! Why he didn’t pay it before the end of the year. He was not doing any more expenses. He knew that. Why this extra “trouble”??? Then I thought about our last interruption when he wanted me to cut him his paycheck. He could have done it himself when he was at the vacation home and then deposited it when he came to across the border for the football game. There was not need to come to my house for that!

All of a sudden I was thinking that H is finding things to contact me about and I actually don’t want H to bother me right now. I’m tired… I want some quite time with no contact and not knowing what H is up to. So, I’m kind of annoyed that H keeps contacting me. I know I will get an advice to put a stop to all of these. I don’t know if I’m ready to do it myself, but I wish I would have less contact from H right now. I don’t know what it is. I’m going to feel it and leave through it, and hopefully I will get some clarity. Is what “dropping the rope” feels like? Or, is this because this whole situation is not moving in any direction, either to D or to R, one way or another? Do I need to borrow some patience showers from other folks here? Do I still need to see this through, or am I done? Thing to think about…

Oh, and another thing… I was clearing the plies of mail that accumulated over the holidays. Mostly junk mail that I get for me, H and my son. Lucky me. It is like if somebody lived in your house at some point, and they moved out, the junk mail just never stops… So, I found an envelope for H from DMV. I always open these, because I want to make sure that it something that needs to gets addressed on a timely manner and not sit at my house for a couple of month until I feel like I can mail it to H, LOL. It was H’s new driver’s license. Hahaha! His driver’s license still has my address on it. Hilarious! I am contemplating whether to ask H where he wants this mail to be sent to, or wait for him to enquire about it