Cathy, Thats what we are here for, VENT ALL YOU WANT!
I think you are doing great, Cath!
It's good to hear your H has cut back on drinking. I think him going to that dinner should be considered a prize for staying out of the bottle for a few days.
My H liked to spend money on fishing tackle and hunting stuff also, not as bad as your H's needs. But I always resented it also. I don't nag H about paying bills and this seems to work, I see my H is getting more responsible about that, once I dropped the nagging.
hugs Deb
Let me know when you want to be listed as a success story. I didn't list you , because I thought maybe you didn't feel like you are there yet.
Quote: Let me know when you want to be listed as a success story. I didn't list you , because I thought maybe you didn't feel like you are there yet.
Everytime I see you put someone there my first thought is "what about me?" You're right though I don't think I'm ready to be listed. Deb since you've been so close to my sitch, you will probably know at the exact same time that I do.
H did get the results back from his tests for his stomach problems and they couldn't find anything wrong with him. The next step would be to scope him and he doesn't want to do that at this point. I think it's just related to the stress in his life and his drinking. Since he kind of backed of drinking for awhile and once he starts drinking again...like tonight...haven't heard from him yet so I'm sure he's drinking somewhere..and starts feeling sick again, maybe a light bulb or something will come on..nahhhh...what am I thinking. it'll take a spotlight
Getting a late start this morning, couldn't sleep very well last night as you know who didn't come home. I have a cold which wakes me up during the night and then I cough, cough!!
So it's April Fool's Day and guess who feels like the fool.
We had a brief conversation yesterday morning about scheduling the closing on the refinancing of our house. H said go ahead and make it for this Friday. We had plans for the evening and at first H didn't want to close this Friday, but then said we could still keep our plans.
And then this!?WTF...
I'm baffled. Things have been going a long the last week, nothing really major happening, we have been getting along, etc., etc. and then bam..the thing is this feels more normal to me than the last week.
Yes, he is still in MLC, the past week was the calm in the storm and the tornado is in full force again..twirling.
All in all I slept pretty good last night, except for the coughing spells. Thought about what H said about him "wanting to go to OW when he was bombed" and him thinking it's his subconscious telling him this is where he is meant to be...Some thoughts came to mind. When H is "bombed" he:
get in fist fights with his friends drive with no regard for the safety of others or himself go to work the next day hungover to the point of sometimes still being intoxicated and put his coworkers at risk calling his S20 and verbally abusing him acting like a 4 year old when his S4 tells him to leave and then proceeds to take things out of his dresser and throw them in baskets all the while S4 is watching and telling his daddy not to leave being mean and nasty to me wants to go to OW These all look pretty sad to me and dangerous..so his reasoning is flawed.
I was just so angry this morning, thinking of all the things I wanted to say to him, reprimand him for, not sad, but angry!
Had my christian radio station on this morning, once the anger passed, the sadness for my H came, the compassion, the sadness of my H, the depression, all hit me and I just feel sad for H. Sad that he can't see he is an alcoholic, sad that he's trying to find the answer in booze and OW.
I'm going to try my hardest to not say anything, to just act like it didn't happen, to let H lead.
There is NO question that you are truly, a loving and compassionate woman. As I read your posts and "hear" the pain of your daily existance with him coming acrossed through your words, my heart aches for YOU and for HIM.
He is a very 'sick' man. He's sick clear down to his soul. Believe me, he KNOWS how sick he is...and he keeps telling you that he knows it, in his own twisted sort of way.
He constantly berates himself as well as you and his sons, but it's NOT because the three of you deserve it, it's because he truly believes that HE doesn't deserve the three of you. He tries so hard to push the three of you away in order to prove to himself that HE'S NO GOOD.
The OW is someone on his level, she is just as 'sick' as he is...there's no one there he has to measure himself against and see himself as less than them. In fact, his attraction to her is that SHE is more pathetic to him than HE IS to himself...so with her, he can feel a twisted sense of superiority.
I'm sure your H has his job in jeopardy. I'm quite sure his co-workers and supervisors are fully aware of his erratic behavior. And while you stand by him...they won't feel that same obligation and he'll eventually be fired or asked to commit himself to rehabilitation because he is becoming a 'risk' and a "liability" to the company that employs him.
He's spiraling Cath...his 'bottom' is just up ahead.
Hang in there continuing to do what's best for you and your S. I really don't think it'll be much longer before your H goes into crisis mode and he'll either sink or swim from that point on.
T2
I agree with T2. He likes to go to the OW because she is an enabler and he doesn't feel guilty about his drunken behaviour when he's around her. I pray for you and your children, and MOSTLY for him that he ralize that he does have a problem and he is letting it control his life. You sound like a strong woman and he should feel lucky that you still beleive in him.
Dustin
"Anyone who is among the living, has hope." (Eccl 9:4)
Well the whole thing just pisses me off..how dare either of them do this to me and my child! How dare she and how dare my H think they are the center of the world and can F****** up other's people's lives!!!! They can both rot in he**!!! I hate them both right now and as far as I'm concerned they deserve each other and they will never have happiness together! NEVER!!!
it'll take a spotlight 
get in fist fights with his friends