New Year, New Attitude

[ciluzen]

Good question. I think it would depend on the persons involved.

Those of us left behind are eager to work to bring our spouse back, but how much growth we go through depends upon how much effort we make not just to follow DB/DR principles, but to realize our own part in the demise of the R and what we are willing to do to change.

This kind of change is painful and hard. We are putting ourselves out of our comfort zone and sometimes confronting habits we've had since childhood. Things we formerly thought of as part of our permanent personality. But a fault and roadblock to healthy relationships.
Those who leave, however, most likely left due to a build up of painful feelings (in some cases years) and are venturing out into their own unknown territory. They are often confused, guilty, in pain, and lonely. Their lives are changed dramatically, as well. Throw in attempts to fill the holes left by their painful R; PAs, EAs, drug abuse, alcohol abuse,porn, etc; they often have stress on top of stress complicating their own lives. Their separation may bring about confrontation of their own demons that contributed to R status. Their change could potentially be even more drastic and dramatic.

Depends on the whole strange kit and caboodle.