Like right now, I'd be waiting for his Monday morning check in call and then we'd go through our Monday "convo" I'd be upset, H would feel things were okay...then he'd come over to see S and then he'd be back and, see there was routine there!!! Now it's day to day, getting used to each other again.
You're right it does become a routine! Having them home is a minute by minute "let's see what works" exercise. Establishing new routines and trying to db at the same time.
You will make it!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Just realizing that this Friday H will have been home three months. Feeling like things are shifting a little, like H is trying to come closer. H hasn't had a drink in awhile either, well in the last week.
We're in the process of refinancing our house. Almost every day since the papers were submitted H asks if I've heard from the bank. Last night I called the bank to see where things were and we are all set to close, just need to make the appt. H said the days he couldn't and I told the bank we'd call back once we had a date. So I hang up and H says to me "do you still want to do this if I'm not staying?" I then ask if he wants to go through with the refinance and he says I don't care what we do
After a bit H grabs the papers we received in the mail and is reading through them and mentions something about checking into disability/lay off insurance. That his back is ready to go again and that he's getting his results back from his test last Friday and who knows what that could mean.
We had a nice dinner and evening. Went to bed, I was laying a little to close to H I guess because he told me to move away. So he was in a mood.
H hasn't been contributing to the bills for at least the last two months. I asked him last week if he'd be able to help out with household bills and he was SURPRISED that I would ask him such a thing...he said WELL NOT THIS WEEK! Then last night he throws in my face that "I accused him of not helping out with the bills last week" and I said you haven't, last month you didn't either. His response usually is then you can pay my cell phone bill which is usually quite high. Mine is included on the bill, but I rarely make calls so the MAJORITY were/are from his convos with OW.
This is the way my H is with money. His money is his, mine is mine, BUT I buy all the groceries and have been paying the utility bills. He pays his credit cards which are mainly his hunting fishing expenses and thinks he shouldn't have to contribute to the household! I don't get it some days. This was a big part of my problem before he left, financial security and his compulsive buying habits and then thinking I should take care of food, etc. Go figure..I'm venting this morning, need to get it out since I've been holding it in.
This morning H flew out of the house as fast as he could, earlier than usual and didn't take the lunch that I had made either. Too much togetherness these last few days...maybe.
{{{{}}}} Sounds like a teenager to me! Hon, I hate to depress you but he is deep in the tunnel. One good thing is at laest he comes out once in a while!
I'm glad you come here to vent, get it out and wallow in it! LOL
I'd say you have a right to be upset!
Remember , when we hit a low the only way is to go up!
Deb, you are right..it was a teenager response, a selfish I care most about myself response. I can spend thousands of dollars on hunting trips, fishing tackle, alcoholic beverages but don't ask me to kick in for the heat and electricity and don't ask me to buy any groceries as I spend my money to have the bear meat processed which I have no say in whether I want the bear meat or not. Or H will bring up some small item such as toilet paper which he uses up faster than anybody I know..me, me, me...
I'm just in venting kind of mood today.
H is at Whitetails Unlimited dinner tonight. The ticket is $40 plus you can buy raffle tickets for prizes..no wonder he doesn't have the money for bills...
Quote: Just realizing that this Friday H will have been home three months. Feeling like things are shifting a little, like H is trying to come closer. H hasn't had a drink in awhile either, well in the last week.
lol, in fact lmaof....I forgot...sometimes it's hard to see when you're in the trees...lol..or should I saw low
You know the thing about the money when I really think about it's not that big of a deal. I really don't require a lot of maintenance, I buy the things that I want, I do the things that I want to do, it's just that H makes so much more than me that I want him to give me some of his money...so it gets right down to me wanting more money, I want H to buy ME stuff, I want to have my money and i want H to give me some of his too..selfish.. I'm being real honest here folks.
I think that what it is (in my sitch anyway) is that we expect things to be a certain way; we expect our H's to behave a certain way and when they don't it ticks us of.
"My money is mine and your money is yours": this ,too, was the way it was at my house. The difference is that I instituted this rule so that H wouldn't bother me about how much I was helping my parents and siblings. H paid for rent and all the bills and I spent my money. Later we bought a house and I would give H half the mortgage amount and spend/save the rest; he was in charge of all else.
Jeez, no wonder he feels entitled to his paycheck now. Not an excuse though.....
Anyway, enough about me.
Your are once again proving to yourself that you are a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman!
My H has been like this all his life so I knew this when I married him and to be honest we never talked about money issues before we got married or after we got married, should we go joint, separate, we just kept doing what we had been doing. H's #2 wife controlled all the money, H worked and she didn't. #2 was getting child support from her ex and H said she would never include that as their money spent it on herself.
I'm ASSuming that some of the way H is now pertains to that R. On the other hand H's sister told me that as soon as H had money back to when he was 12 he'd spend it as fast as he got it.
H is also very generous, buys expensive gifts. For awhile I resented it but then started thinking well he's going to spend the money anyway on himself or whatever, so I became appreciative of his gifts.
Money has always been a touchy issue and I think it tends to be in a lot of R's. It seems there's usually a spender and a saver. I'm more frugal and have better control over my money. Know that bills/house payment are a priority whereas on H's list they are at the bottom.
Rather than complain now I've been praying and accepting H as he is and not trying to change him or control his money habits.
I do have to let things out once in awhile rather than let them build up inside so I come here...thank you all. When the time is right we will/may get to a point where we can have an adult conversation about finances. But I don't think now is the time.
Holdingon: I was thinking the same thing about H and him not drinking. Can't remember the last time he's gone this long without a drink. Over a year I would guess. I'm sure he's tipping a few tonight though. H hasn't been as sick either, with his stomach I should say.
Now it's day to day, getting used to each other again.
