As always, your support is so welcome. I always look forward to hearing from you. YOU are an inspiration to ME.
So, I'm still in a good place. And the shift continues.
I've been busy with new potential friends, new business, work, and new books to read. Yesterday I was having a lazy morning and planning to ski when H called. I haven't had to set any boundaries other than "don't lie to me" (which he has followed even when I hate what I'm told) because he is overly respectful of invading my space, asking permission to do things at his own house.
He needed to clear a way to our shop to be able to access some things for his business. He was on his way over already, so I got dressed while on the phone and did hair and makeup...have to always look amazing, right? He came in to a cheerful, happy me who was busy doing laundry. He tossed out a greeting. He looked tired and sad and walked through the house before he came in to where I was and asked where I thought his snow boots might be. I retrieved them from downstairs where all his stuff now was and he said nothing. I didn't want him to assume anything so I finally said, "It was hard to be around all of your stuff knowing you weren't here" and then went back to cheerful. Walked outside with him, but left when he said he didn't need my help. Still sad looking and no eye contact.
He came in after a while to ask for help. Then we worked for a bit together, cracked a few jokes, and eye contact was made, more and more. At one point he was trying to warm his hands so I held mine out to him and he put his in mine,so I held them against my stomach to warm them. Long story short, when the job was done, his mood had lifted and he came inside, had coffee, and started talking. I listened. He vented a lot about office and focused on Bubbles especially. Was this for my benefit because of my past anger with her? I mostly let it go, but did tell him she has had a stressful time of it lately that might be affecting her mood. But mostly I just STFU or validated.
He left to ski and I went up later. I had a great time by myself and went in to the bar to eat lunch. Texted a new friend back and forth who was there. Ended up texting H telling him my burger was great (H had told me the bar food had improved). Next thing I knew he came in and sat by me and ate half my burger. Bought me a drink.
When I got up to leave, he offered to ride lift with me. Skied with me. Showed me the other lodge that he hangs at and where he parks. I tried to tell him goodbye and he stayed with me and skied till we had to go separately to get to our cars. I had a great time and showed it. Even pushed my interactions with other people (I usually just stood with him in the past).
Expectations? None. But we had a good time together doing an activity that until now, only he enjoyed. But (180 #1) now WE can enjoy TOGETHER. I never complained about anything (180 #2) because my attitude doesn't allow it. Look for the positive, see and appreciate beauty, or see another's POV. Positives. I was happy doing my activity ALONE... (180 #3) and he saw it. I interacted with the people around me that I didn't know and was CHARMING and personable to those who he knew who we made contact with (180 #4)instead of shrinking away due to my insecurities and low self esteem. I look good and am a fun person and I know it! I let HIM be HIM and just let him talk (180 #5)...so he shared with me. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know that I am getting happier with me. If H wants to hop on this ride with me, I'll be leaving him a space.
WOW! Ciluzen! This is awesome! Not just the whole interaction with H and that he spent time with you, but your attitude and conficence too! I'm so pleased that you are feeling this way and can only hope that I get there too.
