Here again after 9 years and struggling 2

[inpain]

inpain - What to do about his access to the children? This depends on a couple of things. The most important is your motivation for changing anything.

Hi Ancaire. Well, that's the million dollar question isn't it, my motivation. I don't really know.

There are so many conflicting thoughts I have about it:

1. Why should H get to walk away and then come and go as he pleases to see the kids. If he wants that with them then he should move back in and work on M.

2. When I've tentatively broached the subject with S11 his answer is that he wants to see Dad every day.

3. Every time he comes round I have to make myself scarce like I don't exist, in my own home. It upsets me to see H so loving with them and cold with me. Every time he comes round I get my hopes up that he will decide to come home.

4. I don't know any divorced parents where the parent that the children don't live with see the children every day. Therefore, this situation is not likely to continue if H does D me.

5. Coming round every day means he isn't missing them or me as much as he could, which isn't likely to bring him home.

6. Yes, he is interfering with bedtimes. His visits are half hearted, he comes in and sits on his phone most of the time. He comes round at what he knows is there bedtime, so then I end up letting them stay up as he's only just arrived, then they're cranky the next day. He doesn't even stay to put them to bed: walks out as soon as I tell them it is time for bed.

I don't know the answer for you, but I would advise that you make sure to proceed with caution, check your motivation, and make sure what you're putting in place is best for the children.

I cannot decide what is best for them in this situation. Best for them is clearly to have their Dad living under the same roof but he's taken that away from them. I don't know if best for them now is to see him every day or see him a couple of times a week so they get used to how it would be once he has his own home etc. I feel like I hate him for putting me in this position where I have to decide between the devil and the deep blue sea. There is no best for them anymore thanks to him, it's gone Help!