paryutsukI bhavati

[Free]

Mutatio, I know exactly what you are feeling right now as I am in the same boat. Nothing has changed in our sitch's and they seem to only get worse for us. The hope we have/had for any improvement is dangerous because it brings what we should not have, expectations.
If it helps at all, the gift I gave my w is still unopened and on the floor where the Christmas tree used to be. A constant reminder of my worth to her. You are not alone.
Last night, I made a choice to start this process of DB'ing over. I can't undo what I've done to my marriage or undo any of the DB mistakes I've made. We all make them, especially as our sitch's drag on and change.
I believe we struggle with the same issues here. The struggle between hope, expectations, and the reality of our relationships as they are right now.
The truth is this. Our marriages are over, at least the old, unhealthy marriages we had. As hard as it is, we need to lose all expectations that our relationship with our W's will improve.
We must improve ourselves. Our self respect. Our self worth. I just posted this on my thread and I'll share it with you. This site will not save our marriages. It can save us and give us the POSSIBILITY of saving our marriages in a better form than we had before.
The only chance of that happening is not to be what our W's wanted us to be, but to just be the BEST of what we can be. Again, with no expectations.
We will get through this somehow.
Keep posting and be well.