Good Morning,

Holdingon---bible on my list to do this week, didn’t make it to church yesterday. Still trying to figure out why I can always find something else to do.

Had a really good weekend. H fished all day Saturday, came home with one nice walleye big enough for all three of us to share. H insisted he wasn’t going to eat, that he was making it for S and I and that there wasn’t enough for all of us, said he wasn’t hungry. BUT, he did end up eating with us and there was plenty of fish and other things. In a way this sounds like a bible story doesn’t it?

H was up a lot during the night on Saturday, up before 7 on Sunday. Took a shower, got dressed like he was going somewhere. S got up and asked where H was going and H said what makes you think I’m going anywhere. I just kept thinking H was going somewhere, too. I made breakfast for us all, all helped clean up and then I got dressed to do the treadmill. I did that, came back upstairs with S and H had his shoes on and another shirt. So once again I thought he was going somewhere. I took a shower while H made some calls. When I was getting ready H said he was going to his hunting/fishing store and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes we’d come and finished getting ready.

We wandered around in the store for awhile, S and I did, H was buying fishing supplies. We then went to lunch and came home. H worked on his fishing tackle all afternoon. S wanted to practice casting his pole, but it was raining, so after about an hour of begging and pleading H finally said fine go out at and cast. We both thought S would be right back in, but he stayed out there for quite awhile and probably wouldn’t have stayed longer, but I told him he had to come in.

H and last night and said "are you just using me for the sex" I almost laughed out loud..we haven't in awhile, but there were reasons, and for him to say that is kind of funny. We're back in touch again, H at one point moved over by me during the night. H did a few "baby step" things this morning before he left for work, too.

I did notice that H’s shaving kit/over night kit (which was one of the few things he had left behind when he left her place a few weeks ago. She also insisted that H come and get it, she wouldn’t deliver it to him) was back in the bathroom closet Saturday afternoon. I hadn’t notice it earlier so am thinking he was at OW’s either Friday before he left to go to his brother’s or he stayed over at OW’s Friday night and then went to his brother’s early Saturday morning to fish. I didn’t say a word, wanted to a number of times. For every question I had about the bag, I had H’s answer in my head and every time I asked (in my head) it sounded accusing and that there could be a logical answer.

It is back in our house either way. Which means H won’t have to go to OW’s house again since there is nothing there of his anymore. Saturday night he wanted to , don’t ask me how I know, I just know, but it took me awhile to get to bed and he was asleep by then and I didn’t want to wake him. I was also waiting for him to initiate. So if he stayed at OW’s Friday night, I’m thinking why would he want to make love Saturday night.

I’m figuring out why I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately and it is because H is back home and I believe we ARE on our way to a better M/R. Yes it will still take time, yes the road will still be bumpy, but things are changing. AT least I FEEL that way. Nothing is comfortable yet either. I knew how to act when H wasn’t living with us and I could plan my week a little easier, my life was little more predictable whatever that means

Like right now, I'd be waiting for his Monday morning check in call and then we'd go through our Monday "convo" I'd be upset, H would feel things were okay...then he'd come over to see S and then he'd be back and, see there was routine there!!! Now it's day to day, getting used to each other again.

Cathy