Thanks NYGal and Ancaire for responding. I feel better then I did last night but my perspective has changed. I used to have a childlike belief that my wife would come around and change her mind about me and the marriage. Like a child believes in Santa Claus will bring the presents on Christmas morning. After a full year of marriage struggling I have seen it get not one bit better.
Guess what kids, there is no Santa Claus, there is no magic moment when all this changes. How did I ever think that she would choose me? She locks herself in her room. She will not talk to me. She will not look me in the eye. She rejects my help on almost everything. She said she will not wear my Christmas gift earrings. She rejects me and all that I am.
So what has changed you asked, everything and nothing. Everything external has remained the same. Since the rejection of the earrings nothing is new, nothing has changed except me. I now feel like this will not end well. I don't see how it could. She is behaving in a way that has no regard for my feelings, none what so ever. I used to think she change her mind and I would forgive her and we would live happily ever after.
While typing this I just figured out whats eating at me. I am not sure I can forgive her what she is doing. She is really hurting me. I will continue to do the right thing by my wife and kids but if she chooses divorce she is choosing a life without me in any shape or form. That's all there is, there is no more.
