I think the less you say to boss the better. If it was a constant thing where she turns to you for help with him, then maybe speak up and let her know that she needs to work this out with him and not put you in the middle. But since this sounds like a one time deal since he left, maybe just get the passport to him and let it go.
Just something to think about, but it might be less stressful for you to just let him come, while you are home, and pack up and remove his own stuff. Emotionally, it will be just as hard on him as it is on you on some level. For your sanity, the sooner his stuff can be gone the better. Look how much time and emotional energy you have already spent on this. Time that could have been spent getting a massage, shopping for shoes, eating bon-bons or whatever you like to do to pamper yourself.
As for your text/email to him. It sounds so formal. If that is what you are going for, great. But maybe soften it up a little? Speak to him like you would speak to the man who lives across the street, friendly but not overbearing.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Hi Focus, yes I would soften and dial down the formality a little.
How about - Hi H, if you let me have a list, I'll bag some things up for you & we can arrange for you to pick them up. Take care, Focus.
As for the boss thing - I'm not sure I fully understand this one - but maybe keep any response minimal. We've separated, but I'll arrange to get his passport to him next week.
Hope this helps - and remember - short, sweet with everything.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Focus! It's been a couple of days since I got to check in. You've gotten some really good advice. Things I particularly like:
If it's not too hard on you, arrange a time for him to come, when you're there, and get his stuff. It needs to be gone.
Try to sound less legal in the message. You're writing is usually free and easy, so I can tell it upsets you by the change in tone...try and put a little "focus" in there.
Short and simple is really best.
I'll be checking in throughout the weekend to see if you need anything.
Thank you so much everyone for all your support, help and advice.
Met one of my best friends yesterday for coffee and window shopping. Walked home, got all dolled up, walked back into town and to another night out (only a couple of hours though, nothing too full on). Walked home at the end of the evening too.
All in all, I reckon I walked at least 10k. Plus major GAL. Plus I packed away H's CD collection while I was home. It took about an hour to go through everything.
So, I've worked out that clothes are the hardest for me to deal with. I can maybe build up to those by packing away most of his other stuff first (CDs, books, paperwork). CDs are done, and I think books are next on the list, then maybe another drawer of clothes, then back to packing away his paperwork...
On the plus side, seeing all the extra space there on the CD shelves is exciting - and a bit of a relief as well. There is now literally more space in my life! This is what I need to focus on.
Today I finished my future life mood board for my IC, saw her and talked over what I'd included. We talked about how important different types of spaces are for me: physical space, headspace, emotional space. Came away feeling really positive (and capable too).
Very, very tired today after a busy (and very full on) few days, but will text my H back at some point today and include your thoughts and ideas in there. Thank you.
At the moment, I'm feeling that I don't really want him in my life again. I understand that could be only a small part of a much bigger process though. So I'll just try and focus on making my life as positive as it can be today, in this present moment.
Progress is very slow, and it's taking a lot out of me at the moment.
The good news is that I'm still moving forwards, however slow
I spent an hour this morning rearranging all the CDS that were left (mine), and am very pleased with the results. This is what I need to focus on at the moment to pull me forwards.
This evening turned out to be the perfect antidote to today.
I did some more clearing out this afternoon, and then got ready for a couple of hours out with some work colleagues.
On my way there, I bumped into someone my H is working with at the moment. We had a quick chat. She started off looking worried and sounding very concerned for me.
I soon turned that around though And within minutes she was laughing and joking, telling me how much weight I'd lost, how amazing I looked and that she was really pleased for me.
I'd taken a while to get ready, so I felt pretty confident, and I had been racing along the street, so my heart was pounding a bit and my face was flushed. So that feeling of excitement was totally genuine on my part.
Now, I don't know if she may or may not say anything to my H about bumping into me when she is at work tomorrow, but I reckon she'll say something to someone, and that *that* is what will get round.
I am glad you had a good day Focus. Looking good always helps, doesn't it? You know if you make digital copies of those CD's you will have even more space. I got rid of 90% of all books, CD's, DVD's etc and I love all the shelf space. Space is good!
I am curious about your future mood board, that sounds like an interesting project. How does that work?
MY IC asked me to make a mood board of how I would like my future life to be. I had a pile of old magazines that I was going to throw out as part of the big tidy up, so I spent a couple of evenings going through a lot of them, cutting out pictures that I liked and words and phrases that appealed to me. Then arranged them all on a huge piece of paper (A3).
Then I took it into my session and we talked about it.
She pointed out some themes that she saw emerging (physical space, emotional space, head space), the positive qualities in my character that she saw there, and how my vision had grown over the sessions.
I think I'm going to pin it up so I can see it every day. And think about doing the same thing for different and specific areas in my life in future (like physical health, career etc).
It was an incredibly positive thing to do for me x
I love that mood board - I'm glad you brought it up again, because I haven't copied that idea yet, and I just know it would be amazingly motivating for me.
I'm so proud of you focus. You've got such a great attitude, and you truly are, well, "focused"...LOL You've been a go-getter since the day you arrived here.
