Two Wolves

[ForeverYoung]

Wow, great job standing up for yourself, Cali. And YAY for some movement!

I remember several Big Talks with my wife, and I always felt better afterwards, no matter what was said. Stfu has it's place, and helped to get us where we are, but it's not a good long term plan.

Then she said that I did not seem happy, did not seem happy with her …

Think about this for a moment... this means she still cares for you, and cares about how you feel.

She told me that she has mentioned her feelings, been honest, she just does not ‘feel’ that way towards me, the good ol ILYBINILWY.

OMG, I don't even want to try to count how many times I heard this. It's (mostly) NOT about who you are or are not. She had "Feelings" for you for how many years, Cali?

I was pretty calm and explained that if one believed after 25 years we were going to be all love-struck like teenagers again it was just not realistic.

I remember telling my wife, and this was early on in our crisis, "Ok, so you want to find that passion with someone new... and it will be all hot for a year or two... and fizzle down. What then?"

The thing is, no new guy can match what we have to offer. And our wife's know this! Use it to your advantage, to save your marriage. She WILL thank you some day.

By the same token, no woman can give to us what our wife's can... That's why we stand, even through all the crazy pain.

This then opened up a discussion about our sex life and how horrible she recalls it being. On one hand she said she can not remember because its been so long, on the other hand it was all one sided and she did not get any pleasure out of it …

Yeah, I heard this too. But I was there, and I know it's not true. It is a rewriting of history. For the record, your wife may likely be open and able to pleasure you before she accepts pleasure from you. Accept this as the gift of love that it is. (it will fill your tank and keep you going) Ask me how I know

You read Michele's SSM book, right?

I ended the conversation as she continued to revert back to the “I don’t feel that way/my feelings are not there”

Feelings change, and they can change again. They changed at least once already, right?

but on the backside of that she was in tears asking me to be her friend, I simply told her “I do not want to be your friend, I want to be your husband” I told her goodnight and went to bed.

Maybe you could be her friend just a little while longer?

I am strangely at peace with all this, it really needed to happen.

I'm glad you are at peace with all this, and agree that it needed to happen. We can't, and shouldn't avoid the Big Talks forever.

Bust On, Cali!